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Homes and Other Black Holes
Homes and Other Black Holes | Dave Barry
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"Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him." --The New York Times Book Review THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER'S MARKET At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they've never been answered before: What's the best way to determine a realistic price range? Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage? There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank's secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner's projects? Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn? Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. From the Paperback edition.
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We‘re in week 3 of living with our books in the middle of the floor. We moved them out of our bookcases so Lowe‘s could install our hardwood floors. Lowe‘s didn‘t strap down the product in the delivery truck, and all $10,000 in flooring spewed onto the highway. 😬 Anyone who is going through a home renovation needs to read the tagged Dave Barry book when/if you need a laugh. I‘d loan you mine, but it‘s somewhere in one of 3 book piles like this.

BarbaraTheBibliophage OMG that is awful! We are having our carpet replaced in three bedrooms, a hallway, and stairs. The supplier and installer LOST our carpet roll. How is that even possible? But your “mishap” is much worse. Wishing you luck and speedy resolutions! 💕 6y
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