Welcome to Litsy!

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck in his pants. The bartender asks, “Hey man, isn't that annoying?“ The pirate responds, “Arrrr, it's driving me nuts.“

Top joke in the UK:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen.“ The woman goes to the end of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!“
The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.“

Eskimos use the word “laugh“ to refer to lovemaking--to “laugh“ with someone is to have intercourse with them.

One researcher estimated that a good laugh produces an increase in heart rate that is equivalent to ten minutes on a rowing machine or fifteen minutes on an exercise bike. Other researchers have found that people who suffer from heart disease are 40% less likely to laugh or to see the funny side of life.

Tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asked the guard,“ Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?“ “They are three million, four years, and six months old.“ “That's an awful exact number,“ said the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?“ The guard answered, “Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was 4 1/2 years ago.“

In 2001, some researchers decided to turn to science to find the world's funniest joke. They did this by having the general public submit hundreds of jokes, which were later voted on. The result was this book...which is terrible. Why? It says in the introduction: “Obviously, we couldn't allow any offensive jokes onto the site.“ I'm not sure why that's “obvious,“ but it resulted in a collection of stupid Dad jokes.
#2025Book41