"Depression marked my family life and my outlook on the world. From my Dad's struggle with his demons to my own periods of darkness, it's been a constant presence throughout my life. Writing has always been an outlet for me, a way of making sense of the jumble in my head and to stop thoughts racing out of control... ' - pg 233
'I was talking with Chyna the other day, discussing how at a certain point in your life you have to start living in the way you want your children to know you to be - and more importantly how you want them to live.' - pg 147
'It was a really happy time. Something I suppose I'm more aware of looking back. The frequent anxiety and panic attacks made it harder to enjoy at the time, but I was aware of how different things could have been. Music had given me a voice and had altered the trajectory of my life.' - pg 147
'Now I wanted to do everything I could do to live positively. Next I stopped smoking weed... I didn't want to rely on weed as I was going through grieving. I wanted to feel everything that I had to feel, deal with suicide and get through it without crutches... It took a good few months of being weed-free to notice any positive changes, but once the smoke cleared I felt like I was seeing the world through different eyes.' - pg 102
'Ken told me my dad hadn't been happy. That came as another surprise to me as my Dad had always seemed upbeat and jolly. I began to realise that it's often people who outwardly appear the most content who are hiding an inner darkness.' - pg 101
'No matter how bad life has got, I've always had hope. There's always the chance for things to get better. Kill yourself and you erase that chance. I could see now that this was the difference between people who end up killing themselves and people who don't. Hope.' - pg 101
'I thought about his suicide for a long time afterwards. The fact that he had done it surprised me, because I'd always seen him as a weak personal and I didn't think that taking your own life was easy. I can't imagine the strength it would take to make a decision so final and I am sure that even those people who do take the leap must, in the last moments of life, wish that they could undo the knot.' - pg 101
'I deserved to be that angry... he'd hurt me so much and pushed me to a point where I couldn't respond rationally any more.' - pg 99
'When you're in a bad situation you can either focus on the positive or on the negative...' - pg 94.
'The first line I came out with for a song might not be great, but I'd keep going. I figured that if I hadn't got something down to work with, I'd got nothing. A page full of anything, no matter what, was better than a page full of nothing. To state the obvious, nothing's ever finished if it isn't started.' - pg 79
'Rhyming helped me deal with things, it was a form of therapy for me at times, helping me get what was inside out - and, most importantly, onto a piece of paper where I could make sense of it... It's useful to have an avenue for the anger, the sadness and the upset and to be able to let go and channel that negative energy, rather than bottling emotions and feelings which then come out more unpredictably and dangerously.' - pg 78
"... I was way too young to have the tools to deal with my family situation..." - pg 13.
"My twenties - they were brutal. I thought that would be my time. I had all these hopes and expectations of how it was going to be..." - pg 383.
'...I wondered if this was the great peril of reunions: the discovery that we aren't as essential to other people's memories as they are to ours.' - pg 376.
"The last night. I always get a bit sad. All that work and it sort of... evaporates." - pg 348.
[last night performing the play]
"...many of the young people I work with, they know they're good, they're told they're good and they will continue to be good. Good, competent and able. Well, bravo to them but really, what's the point in that. To be no good and then to get so much better - that's why we do it. You are why we do it. Without you - what's the point?" - pg 330.
'I felt a sharp twist of panic so strong that I broke into a run... pounding up the stairs and into Dad's room, my father face down and half naked on the bed... feverish and clammy... The air from his lungs was hot and foul with alcohol... Should I call an ambulance?... I recoiled, sat with my back to the wall, hot tears in my eyes. It wasn't right; it wasn't fair to have to deal with these things.' - pg 323-324.
"You can't see it at the moment, 'cause all these things have just gone wrong, and you're nervous and angry about things you can't control and which aren't your fault. But if you... hang on, Charlie. I don't know. I just think there's something inside you and I love it. And you. I love you, Charlie." - pg 298
'We were silent after that. Her intentions were sincere, I knew, but it was undignified to be the subject of a pep talk and I resented it." - pg 297.
' "You've got to stop, the whole education, confidence thing. These people, they don't have special rights or powers... they have advantages & privilege, and money's important, 'course it is. And even if the exams have gone wrong, I know you can still do something brilliant, something that makes you happy... You've got to work it out. But there's a... potential. Stupid word, school-report word, but it's what I mean." ' - pg 297.
' "I just want enough money not to worry about money."
"Me too."
"And a job I like doing."
"Famous?"
"God, No. I mean, famous as a by-product of the work, not for its own sake... Who wants that? I'd much rather just be doing good work. With lots of friends, and in love and having lots of sex. There. Put it like that, it sounds really easy."
"I know." ' - pg 295.
' "... when you make pancakes, the first one's always a bit of a try-out."
"Oh, Christ... I'm the bad pancake."
"it's not bad, it's still delicious, but the next one's better. What I mean is, everyone makes a fuss about the first time, but it's the 2nd or the 4th or the 12th that matters."
...To be lying in a bed with the whole length of our bodies pressed together was, in its own way, just as intimate and startling as the sex itself...' - pg 289.
'She's smiling - is smiling good, or is she trying not to laugh? What's my face doing? Are we allowed to talk? Am I to heavy?... But despite all the anxieties, the overwhelming sensation was amazement; that I should be permitted to do such a thing & with such a person, that she should not just allow it but urge it on. Gratitude is too weak a word... imagine an intense, active passionate gratitude, then that is what I felt." - pg 288.
'On this warm, bright summer's morning a lifetime' s worth of New Year's resolutions were being made at once. An entirely new way of being - it was not something to take on lightly, an overwhelming project really but one I couldn't wait to start...' - pg 245.
'I would be wise too, brave & loyal, a champion against injustice... I'd read more and better books... brush my teeth with zeal and flair, devise a daily fitness regime and stick to it, carry myself differently, confident and straight, and get up earlier so that the days were as full as they could possibly be. I'd buy new clothes, get a smarter look... I'd eat salad. Fish. Water - I'd drink a lot more water, two litres a day...' - pg 245
'I walked through the summer morning with a new conviction... I would become a better version of myself... I had not been the person I wanted to be, but there was no reason why this couldn't change.' - pg 244.
'... a thought that I'd been suppressing all night had finally gate-crashed its way in and, close behind, another, darker thought and I suddenly felt as sober as I'd ever been. The anxiety was physical, as if realising that I'd left a bath running for the whole week...' - pg 241.
'... for some reason I mentioned that I'd screwed up all my exams except maybe Computer Science and Art and he said, hey, well do that then, do Computer Science and Art, why not, if that's what you're good at, if that's where your talent lies, everyone's got a talent, you've just got to find out what it is and go for it and use it...' - pg 235.
'The dancing had made me light-headed and light-hearted so at the bar I found that I could talk to complete strangers, something I had never done before. I talked to a nice woman in her twenties who was training to be a nurse, and I said my Mum used to be a nurse, and we talked about nursing for a while and mothers too...' - pg 235.
'... the greatest lie that age tells about youth is that it's somehow free of care, worry or fear. Good god, doesn't anyone remember?' - pg 163-166.
On understanding Shakespeare...
'"Don't worry if your head hurts sometimes... That's normal. It's like when you exercise and your muscles ache." - pg 127.
'... swore to myself, never again, I would no longer live like this, I would start afresh tomorrow... I would find a way to move through this world, present and alive, find a way to be.' - pg 119.
"We're going to talk about how we carry ourselves, about how we hold ourselves, independently and in relation to each other, how we breathe, how we move through this world, present and alive..." - pg 76.
'We contemplated new professions in the same way that children do: train driver, cowboy, astronaut, could we fit our faces to the role? The answer was invariably no and the exercise was both dispiriting and deeply uncomfortable.' - Pg 68.
' "Being married - it's not as simple as loving one person all your life -"
"But that's exactly what it is! That's what marriage is meant to be. Look -" I grabbed at her hand, peeling her finger back to show the ring was still there...
"Yes, yes, meant to be, yes, but... it's messy and painful and you can have strong feelings for different people..."
... "I'm just very, very tired... I feel too young to spend my days just stuck." ' - Pg 61
'It wasn't just love fading away. Respect and understanding were going too, with nothing we could do to stem the flow...' - pg 57.
'I knew from science fiction, rather than from science lessons, that time behaves differently depending on your location...' - pg 25.
'The notion that these had been the best years of our lives suddenly seemed both plausible and tragic and I wished that school had always been like this, our arms around each other, filled with a kind of hooligan love...' - pg 22.
'I'd also inherited his tendency to stoop and round my shoulders in order to take up less space in the world.' - pg 7
A conversation with Jodi Picoult...
'...we never know anyone as well as we think we do - least of all ourselves. And that we shouldn't rush to judgement until we've walked a mile in someone else's shoes. I can't tell you I would do what Nina did in her situation. . . but I can't tell you I wouldn't, either.' - pg 396
A conversation with Jodi Picoult...
'I love doing research, and research often drives story ideas for me. When necessary, I will go down to State Forensics labs work with detectives, I will ride with policemen...' - pg 395
'...there are some feelings so far-flung and wide, that words cannot cover them.' - pg 388
'I have come so close to losing everything I ever wanted - a life I was too foolish to value until it was nearly taken away.' - pg 388
'Laundry is always a good, mindless start. Ours seems to reproduce at the dank bottom of its bin, so that regardless of how careful we are with our clothes, there is always a full basket every other day.' - pg 387
'I realise that the only thing worse than waiting is the moment that you realize a decision has been made.' - pg 370
'When Nathaniel was born, he waved tight fists in the air, as if he were angry at the world. They softened moment by moment, until I would nurse him and watch his fingers scrabble at my skin, clutching for purchase. I was mesmerised by that grasp, because of all its potential. Would Nathaniel grown up to wield a pencil or a gun? Would he heal with his touch? Create music? Would his palm be covered with calluses? Ink?' - pg 296
'...intent on effecting change, rather than waiting for it to steamroll him.' - pg 295
'There is a woman wearing my clothes and my skin and my smell but it isn't me... Words can't pull me back from the edge. Neither can daylight. This isn't something to get over, it is an atmosphere I need to learn to breathe. Grow gills... take it into my lungs with every gasp. It is a startling thing. I wonder who this person is, going through the motions of my life. I want to take her hand...' - pg 261
'He has spent his life guided by principle and rules... But rules only work when everyone plays by them. What happens when someone doesn't, and the fallout bleeds right into his life.' - pg 259
