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First Comes Marriage
First Comes Marriage: My Not So American Love Story | Huda Al-Marashi
3 posts | 4 read | 5 to read
A candid, heartfelt love story set in contemporary California that challenges the idea of what it means to be American, liberated, and in love When Huda meets Hadi, the boy she will ultimately marry, she is six years old. Both are the American-born children of Iraqi immigrants, who grew up on opposite ends of California. Hadi considers Huda his childhood sweetheart, the first and only girl he's ever loved, but Huda needs proof that she is more than just the girl Hadi's mother has chosen for her son. She wants what many other American girls have--the entertainment culture's almost singular tale of chance meetings, defying the odds, and falling in love. She wants stolen kisses, romantic dates, and a surprise proposal. As long as she has a grand love story, Huda believes no one will question if her marriage has been arranged. But when Huda and Hadi's conservative Muslim families forbid them to go out alone before their wedding, Huda must navigate her way through the despair of unmet expectations and dashed happily-ever-after ideals. Eventually she comes to understand the toll of straddling two cultures in a marriage and the importance of reconciling what you dreamed of with the life you eventually live. Tender, honest and irresistibly compelling, First Comes Marriage is the first Muslim-American memoir dedicated to the themes of love and sexuality. Huda and Hadi's story brilliantly circles around a series of firsts, chronicling two virgins moving through their first everything: first hand holding, first kiss, and first sexual encounter. First Comes Marriage is an almost unbearably humanizing tale that tucks into our hearts and lingers in our imagination, while also challenging long-standing taboos within the Muslim community and the romantic stereotypes we unknowingly carry within us that sabotage some of our best chances for finding true love.
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Verity
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Pickpick

So conflicted about this - very well written, compelling story, but I found Huda incredibly frustrating. While there is definitely a culture clash element going on here, it seemed like a lot of her problems were due to immaturity. Worth reading though.

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Verity
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This novel is proving such a culture shock for me. I‘m very interested, but I‘m finding it really hard to get any empathy going for Huda. She comes across a lot as one of those women who are so focused on the act of getting married they don‘t really think about the reality of a marriage. But then I‘m a career woman in her mid30s who‘s been living with a man Out Of Wedlock for nearly a decade so it‘s a long way from my life...

That-Bookish-Hiker I‘ve noticed a lot of girls are the same way as that character you described. My niece is a perfect example of it. She just got engaged and she said she doesn‘t care about the marriage just the wedding. 6y
Verity @That-Bookish-Hiker I get really worried about women who think as their wedding as the be all and end all. It should be the *start* of something not the climax of something. You have a life to spend together after one day - you need to make sure you‘re with the right person and doing it because you want to spend your life with them, not because you think you should be getting married. 6y
That-Bookish-Hiker @Verity exactly! There is more to a relationship besides the party. I tried to explain that to her but she kind of in that stage where she thinks she‘s right about everything. 6y
Weaponxgirl @That-Bookish-Hiker well I hope things go ok for her and not trying to be mean but that the bump back to earth isn‘t too harsh. I always find it weird when people can‘t even imagine that there is any other way to live. 6y
18 likes4 comments
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Verity
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Can‘t remember where I heard about this, but this is my latest library book - and so far, so interesting.

21 likes3 stack adds