pickDavid P. Wichman – author, speaker, sexual healer, and entrepreneur -- has written a riveting recovery memoir with co-author Heather Ebert, a life story teeming with deep despair and ultimate triumph.
Click link for full blog review: https://bookgirl1987thoughts.wordpress.com/2020/05/26/book-review-every-grain-of...
“The undercurrent of unresolved pain is brutal and insidious. These are the unseen scars of a scapegoated child. I wondered whether I would ever heal. My emotional state vacillated between injured and caretaker, trying to nurture my own soul.“
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“I used to think I would travel the world on my own because I didn‘t belong anywhere. I thought I didn‘t fit in. It‘s true. I don‘t belong anywhere because I fit in everywhere.“
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“I asked myself the question that had haunted me for nine months: Would they make an example of me? Or would they give me a chance to set an example instead? I was certain I was doomed.“
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“This beautiful experience of divine love opened my heart and mind to something more, a conscious acknowledgement that I was absolutely loved and lovable. I‘m going to be okay. And I hadn‘t been okay for so long, not just years, but across the entire trajectory of my life...
“Suddenly, the presence of some sort of Christlike spirit entered my heart and showered over me. I felt overcome by love and relief. All of those illusory cracks and crevices that made me think I was so broken began to fade. I understood the concept of dying in order to live—I had to kill off all those old ideas that kept me trapped in a belief system about my own brokenness.“
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“Given how sick I looked, prison staff took me straight to the infirmary. My spirit broken and my body temperature rising, the vinyl mattress became soaked and unbearable to lie on. I rolled off the gurney onto the cement floor, feeling the cool surface against my cheek...
“From there, I was off and running. I camped out with an old drug-dealer friend named John, sleeping on the floor of his flea-ridden hotline hotel room in the Tenderloin. Tweaked out of my mind, I had become that guy carrying garbage bags and screaming at trees, a strung-out disaster...
“The files they found on my laptop matched the evidence they had in holding, and soon a judge had issued an arrest warrant for us both on charges of conspiracy to commit credit card fraud, possession of stolen mail, possession of five or more authentication features with intent to produce false ID, and other activities related to fraud. The total charges added up to fifty-five years in a federal penitentiary.“
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“But I also couldn‘t help thinking other things, like, This is bullshit. This can‘t last. I don‘t deserve any of this. Some broken part of my being refused to let me be. I stopped writing and repeating my affirmations. I stopped manifesting. I quit going to meetings, which I justified to myself because no one in those meetings was staying clean anyway. My focus shifted. And that‘s when everything fell apart.“
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“My life had taken off. I wasn‘t making anywhere close to ten thousand dollars a month, but I had more equity in living than I‘d had in decades on the street. Just as Jeff Stevenson had taught me all those years earlier, I saw how I could truly manifest and create my own life...
“Our relationship wasn‘t working because my relationship with myself wasn‘t working. I needed to be single. I needed to get to know me. My entire life had been an endless dependency on a person or a drug or a system. I needed to not be taken care of by someone else for once.“
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“I spent so many moments in sober spaces, meeting houses, and hospital rooms watching my friends die. Here we are again, sitting vigil. I could never get my head around it or accept it. It felt so unfair. I kept thinking, This recovery thing has too many feelings. I‘m not going to make it. The grief was unbearable.“
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“I was filled with so much self-loathing that nothing mattered. I didn‘t want to live in my body or feel any feelings or be where I was. I lived in this limbo between not wanting to live and not wanting to die, simply suspended in oblivion. Even in the worst of times, I always wanted to live...
“Within a week, my meth usage was completely out of control. And I didn't stop using for the next twenty years.“
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“Every chapter of Hay‘s book closed with an affirmation, such as, “In the vast infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. I no longer choose to believe in old limitations and lack. I now choose to begin to see myself as the Universe sees me—perfect, whole, and complete. The truth of my being is that I was created perfect, whole, and complete...
“Hay‘s premise was that everything wrong with people‘s lives stemmed from a lack of self-love. In You Can Heal Your Life, she explained how you could heal your physical, emotional, and psychological wounds through “mirror work,” gazing into your own eyes and speaking words of love, as well as cleansing your heart of resentment through forgiveness...“
“I just wanted to feel okay, and staying loaded meant that I would be okay. I glimpsed spiritual notions of oneness in between long phases of incoherence brought on by alcohol and drugs. I knew these deep truths were out there somewhere, but I couldn‘t grasp them consciously or in a way that exhumed my spirit from beneath the drug-induced stupor.“
The writing is superb
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Good book so far. Pictured is the author, whom I've actually contacted on social. Here's hoping Reedsy extends the launch date for this title, so I have time to read it and write a thoughtful review. I can already tell that this book deserves time and reflection, and will provide much insight into one person's #recovery journey.
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“My hope is that anyone who reads this book might find liberation from the illusions of brokenness. We don't always have to forgive the unforgivable or attain some unreachable ideal of empowerment, but we can come to a place of deep compassion and understanding for what happened around us during our storm--our traumas--and move it through us and out of us. We don't have to claim it any longer as our staff of righteous survival.“
cont'd/comments
“The path to healing or the journey to enlightenment is not the gaining of new, more profound, deeper information about our soul's purpose, but the discovery of what has been there all along.“
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• Starting tonight; looks like an interesting #memoir and #recovery story. Unfortunately, I won't have time to get it read and reviewed for #ReedsyDiscovery by 5/10, as I just downloaded it last night. This Reedsy reviewing is a bit tricky 😬 •
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Every Grain of Sand | 
