burnoutbuddyread

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle | Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

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I just finished Burnout- this last chapter about madwoman in the attic still needs some processing. I think my mad woman is in my front yard. What did my fellow #burnoutbuddyread friends think?

Amandajoy, Hooked_on_books, Blaire, Librarybelle, KT1432, SilverButtonBooks

Librarybelle Hoping to finish the book this weekend! 4y

Hooked_on_books I thought it was a good book overall. It is important for women to recognize the ways in which society has pushed us into an unhealthy place and to push back. Hopefully this book will help some women to do so. 4y

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Blaire

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle | Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

Catching up on my #burnoutbuddyread reading while waiting floor my massage...very appropriate for a chapter about rest. This chapter affirmed a lot of the changes I‘ve made in the last two years - switching to a part-time job, guarding my morning me time to do yoga, read, and have coffee alone, and making time for good cardio exercise. I still need more sleep but I‘m working on it and keep a consistent bedtime.

Amandajoy, Hooked_on_books, Librarybelle, Chrissyreadit, KT1432, SilverButtonBooks

Blaire I‘ve moved away from focusing on ladder climbing and productivity and tried to focus more on being content. Tho work can still cause me major anxiety. I think How to Do Nothing is a nice companion read to this about escaping the productivity mindset.

How to Do Nothing

Lindy 🍀❤️🍀 4y

Librarybelle Thanks for the suggestion for of the companion book! I‘m hoping to finish Burnout this week. 4y

Amandajoy I‘ve been intrigued by How to Do Nothing. I may have to pick it up. I really think we vastly underestimate how important rest and disconnecting are. I say that, but I know I struggle with doing it too. 4y

Blaire @Amandajoy @librarybelle yes, it‘s not a self-help book in any traditional sense but really takes a deep look at what we value as a society and the worth of things that aren‘t done for productivity, but for the value of thinking about them, appreciating them, and just noticing and being. (edited) 4y

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Chrissyreadit

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle | Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

These all feel like a luxury to me. In fact, the term “self care” has become a stress trigger for me because it feels like a luxury.
So now, it‘s time to change not just my mindset, but my attitude- because this is hurting my daughter too. Of all the messages I wanted her to learn, I may have left out the message we must learn. #burnoutbuddyread

Amandajoy, Hooked_on_books, Blaire, KT1432, SilverButtonBooks

Amandajoy I find it so incredibly sad that a lot of us associate sleeping enough and feeding our bodies as self care. No wonder we‘re so stressed & burned out! 4y

Hooked_on_books I hate the term “self care” as it‘s so self-helpie. I just cringe at those terms. I was in health care for many years and I would see family members of those in the ICU especially run themselves ragged. I always told them: you can‘t take care of someone else if you aren‘t taking care of yourself. It‘s a fundamental truth and a big part of what I think they‘re saying in this book. Learning to say no is vital. 4y

Chrissyreadit @Amandajoy @Hooked_on_books I think that‘s why I get angry- I‘ve been told remembering to eat and using the bathroom is “self care” and while it literally is taking care of ones self it feels like it shouldn‘t be an activity I managed to squeeze in when my body could not wait any longer. I appreciated the message in this book very much. (edited) 4y

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Chrissyreadit

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle | Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

Chapter 7- this was the most eye opening- in my face- pot/kettle- chapter I have EVER read. How much of my inflammation and chronic illness and weight and fatigue is due to poor sleep? And guilt over not doing enough? And the expectation in my life that it‘s perfectly normal to work, grad school, homeschool, have teens, a house to care for, social justice to fight for, and prepare food?
#burnoutbuddyread

Amandajoy, Hooked_on_books, Blaire, KT1432, SilverButtonBooks

DrexEdit The prevailing society view seems to be that self care is an in indulgent luxury. But it's so important. 🙂💜 4y

Blaire I‘m a chapter behind. Looking forward to reading this one in the next couple days. 4y

Amandajoy Yep, all of it. I counsel people everyday on their diet (lots of diabetes) and I always ask about sleep and talk about how important it is and why they should make it a priority. And yet, I struggle with it. Even though I know I‘m a better person when I‘m getting more sleep. And then there‘s struggling between doing too much & feeling like you‘re not doing enough. Makes me exhausted just talking about it. 4y

BookDragonNotWorm 💙💙💙 4y

Chrissyreadit @Amandajoy - yes! I just found out I Have sleep apnea. That may be a big reason for many of the problems I‘ve had the past few years. And previous drs have instead focused on my weight telling me to make better food choices and stop lying about what I eat. There were many days I did not remember to eat and crashed with exhaustion. And it may have been sleep all along! 4y

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Chrissyreadit

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle | Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

Hi friends. I reread chapter 6, and have been thinking quite a bit about this. What are your thoughts? #burnoutbuddyread

Amandajoy, Hooked_on_books, Blaire, KT1432, SilverButtonBooks

Amandajoy I would need to look over this part again. It‘s not ringing a bell. What were your thoughts on it? 4y

Chrissyreadit @Amandajoy I find that our culture celebrates separate knowing. Connected knowing can be disparaged. We are taught not to trust our guts. We are taught to focus on individuality. I think of how often I worked in early intervention and the behavior issue was babies crying or toddlers wanting attention. Too many children and not enough connection opportunities. And so children are taught to only trust rules and routines. There‘s so much more to my 4y

Chrissyreadit @Amandajoy thoughts but this is where they begin. 4y

Amandajoy Yeah, I definitely see where we‘re taught not to trust our gut. And I do remember listening to this chapter agreeing with it about touch & connection. It‘s something I struggle with just because I‘ve lived by myself for so long. But human touch is so important to life. 4y

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Librarybelle

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle | Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

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Chapter 5 - and the dreaded BMI! I‘ve always found that to be such an unreliable way to measure one‘s body. In high school, at my lowest weight (a lot to do with body image), the BMI still registered me as overweight/obese for my height. I‘m less than 5‘4”, and my ancestral background really dictates my body structure. I learned right then that I could either starve myself, and continue to see my rib cage, or find a good balance. Today, ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Amandajoy, Hooked_on_books, Blaire, Chrissyreadit, KT1432, SilverButtonBooks

Librarybelle I still struggle with weight. I‘m on WW right now, and I feel so great! But, I also understand my body‘s expectations and have no goal to reach as low weight as I was 20 years ago. Instead, I‘m focusing on health, and hoping that weight loss will reduce stress. I‘ll never be the “beauty” image that others think I should be. Admittedly, there are times I wish I could be thin, and it does probably contribute to stress, but I‘m getting to a ⬇️⬇️⬇️ 4y

Librarybelle Healthier place now body wise, learning what foods make my body happy. Though, of course, I must still have my cake (I have a sweet tooth, which is perfectly fine!!). I liked this chapter mostly for its confirmation that the BMI isn‘t perfect. I‘m still on the fence about this book - some good information, but then other things that I either cannot relate to or that do not apply to me. Most of my stress is work related, so maybe part 3 will help! 4y

Librarybelle #buddyread #burnoutbuddyread 4y

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TheBookHippie The BMI said I was morbidly obese my whole life -even when I was size 6 when I got married decades ago. I had all kinds of health issues- now at many pounds heavier: my blood pressure is perfect as is my bloodwork 🤷🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ my stress has more affect on my health than anything else. 4y

Librarybelle @TheBookHippie It took me awhile to realize that your body knows what weight it should be - not an index, not mean kids, not unkind teachers. With my most recent weight loss, I did it partly because of ending chronic headaches (which it didn‘t, thanks to stress), but also because I felt so sick every time I ate. Food was a stress release - and the food wasn‘t healthy food. Thanks for sharing your story! ❤️ 4y

TheBookHippie @Librarybelle I stopped most processed food 70/30 and eat every 3 hours when awake and drink more water. Got rid of daily pop. Walk 20 min yoga 20 min that‘s it. That‘s what I do. Still “fat” but healthy . Yoga helps my migraines FYI. 4y

Librarybelle @TheBookHippie That‘s great! Thanks! 4y

Amandajoy I really liked this chapter. I‘m a Registered Dietitian, and a lot of patients come see me for weight loss. They‘ll start with “my BMI says I‘m overweight/obese & the dr says I need to lose weight.” I then pull out my soapbox & explain how weight & BMI are not good indicators of health. I try to counsel from a HAES perspective. This chapter was definitely preaching to the choir with this girl. 4y

Hooked_on_books I haven‘t gotten to this chapter yet, but BMI is definitely imperfect. It doesn‘t take body type into account at all, which is why most elite athletes are “obese” based on it. I was in health care for almost 20 years and I remember a body builder patient with extremely low body fat and a BMI of 31, so there you go. 4y

Librarybelle @Amandajoy @Hooked_on_books I wish we had this conversation when I was a teen. Unfortunately, anyone I‘ve spoken to in the healthcare profession kept pointing to the BMI number, not looking at other evidence. It‘s my hope that today more healthcare professionals look at evidence like both of you do. 4y

Hooked_on_books I find that some do and some don‘t. And it‘s not necessarily the age or gender of the practitioner. But I do think there‘s been more of a shift. It takes awhile to retrain people, as the opioid crisis shows. I worked hard to help retrain a few folks about opiates and it‘s very hard to turn people around from what they were taught and “know” is right. 4y

Amandajoy Yep, I feel like I‘m constantly trying to educate the drs and nurses I work with. Not everyone is willing to take the time to learn about it. I do what I can with my patients but a lot of times even they don‘t want to hear it. 4y

Chrissyreadit @Librarybelle this has been a great discussion! I have a hateful relationship with my body since my illness five years ago- and I know stress is a significant contributor too. I have faced a lot of body shaming, and it has really hurt when my children witnessed it. Our culture is not kind to women in so many ways- and women are not kind to each other or themselves either. @TheBookHippie @Amandajoy @TheBookHippie 4y

Librarybelle @Chrissyreadit Exactly - so much body shaming in today‘s culture, and women are not always kind to one another. 4y

Chrissyreadit @Amandajoy you are in a great place for educating drs. My previous primary care dr told me to stop lying about what I ate, and see a dietician. The dietician had me keep a food journal, wanted me to eat meat (I‘m a vegan) and told me I didn‘t eat enough. I went to a vegan dietician and she helped a bit more. Receiving limited support and conflicting info def added stress. 4y

802Librarian As someone who is that “perfectly thin ideal” (🙄), I can tell you the comments don‘t get better. I‘m constantly asked if I‘m healthy and told to eat more. Random strangers and library patrons comment on my size all the time. 4y

Librarybelle @NHLibrarian People can be so mean! I once had a patron who asked me if I was pregnant, then proceeded to look at my left hand and comment that I have no ring. I was (and never have been) pregnant, nor was I in a relationship at that time. I‘m not sure why people find the need to comment on someone‘s appearance... 4y

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Amandajoy

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle | Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

Just started chapter 5, and YES, YES, YES!! I want to copy it and hand it out to all my patients and the doctors I work with. That‘s all for now. #burnoutbuddyread

Hooked_on_books, Blaire, Librarybelle, Chrissyreadit, KT1432, SilverButtonBooks

Chrissyreadit 🙌 4y

Librarybelle ❤️❤️❤️ 4y

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Chrissyreadit

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle | Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

#burnoutbuddyread
What did you think of this chapter?
For me it represented exactly where my existential stress and angst come from.

Amandajoy, Hooked_on_books, Blaire, Librarybelle, KT1432, SilverButtonBooks

Librarybelle I keep thinking about gaslighting and the versions of it I see, both personally and in the world. Being made to feel that what you‘ve done is not quite right or that it isn‘t enough definitely causes stress. It‘s an uphill battle at times. 4y

Amandajoy I‘m not sure if this chapter made me feel better or worse. I appreciated the headwinds tailwinds explanation. I did love listening to it and hearing her say ugh every time she said patriarchy. 4y

SilverButtonBooks Human giver syndrome for me was naming the thing I‘ve always struggled against. Every decision I‘ve made in my whole life has always been driven by other people‘s needs first. It‘s exhausting! 4y

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Blaire Just finished this chapter. Much of it was not new to me but it‘s always good to see again why women feel the way we do. I definitely suffer from compassion fatigue...I hear so many tough stories at work that I find my reaction less empathetic than it used to be and I know I‘m really burned out when friends ‘ minor problems irk me instead of evoking compassion or empathy. It is something I struggle with bc ⬇️ 4y

Blaire Compassion and kindness are some of my core values in addition to peace/quiet and so I really have to watch that I don‘t get to that point as it has a bad effect on both my work and home life. 4y

Chrissyreadit @Blaire yes- this is a struggle for me too. I do not have patience for “silly” problems- and I wish I did, especially with my teens- I should rejoice that those are the problems they face. 4y

Blaire @Chrissyreadit yes. That‘s the mindset I want to embrace as well and I want my friends to come to me with small problems but it‘s a struggle. 4y

Chrissyreadit @Librarybelle @Amandajoy @SilverButtonBooks @Blaire are any of you struggling because of the political climate? This has hit me so hard with extra stress- because I wanted more for my kids- and all the issues that are most important about equality and justice have been decimated. I find myself having to rest and recoup from fear of the future instead of having energy to fight these battles. 4y

Librarybelle @Chrissyreadit I‘m not happy with the current political climate in the US, but I don‘t think it‘s a personal contributing factor to my stress level. It would be very different if I had kids, I‘m sure of that! But, I think it angers me more than anything. 4y

Chrissyreadit @Librarybelle yes- I can understand that! I‘m sure I would be less scared if I did not he even kids. I have been hoping this book would help me learn how to handle these exact impacts so it seems to be on the right track for me. 4y

Blaire @Chrissyreadit yes. It comes in waves. I like their idea of doing something daily. For example next Friday is moms demand action day at the wv legislature..will try to go if I can. Doing something even if it is small is helpful. I will also do all I can to support the eventual 2020 nominee. Want to do all I can to change things. Scary times we are living in. 4y

Amandajoy I definitely think it‘s a contributor. The current political climate angers me and then makes me feel helpless. Then that stresses me out. Then I wonder if I‘m doing enough in my life to help, which is probably a no. Then the idea of trying to add more to my plate stresses me out. Feels like a self locking ice cream cone. If everyone would be a little kinder to each other maybe we‘d all be a little less stressed. 4y

Chrissyreadit @Amandajoy yes!!! If we could all just be kind. ❤️ 4y

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Chrissyreadit

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle | Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

I kept thinking about the conflict of women‘s roles and treatment in the 70‘s and early 80‘s. I feel like we were sold a lot of gimmicks to make little girls think Herculean tasks with great beauty and high desirability were possible if you only bought this.... does anyone else remember these crazy ads? https://youtu.be/N_kzJ-f5C9U https://youtu.be/WVf1lClfBng #burnoutbuddyread

Amandajoy, Hooked_on_books, Blaire, Librarybelle, KT1432, SilverButtonBooks

Butterfinger I remember calgon. 4y

KT1432 Calgon for sure! 4y

Hooked_on_books I can never forget Calgon! 4y

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Chrissyreadit

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle | Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski

Did anyone else feel connected to this? I think about survival a lot- my own, my family, my clients- and have so much respect for who people are- but do no express out loud the amazement “you survived!!! 100% of your days- you survived” instead I catch myself “how did you survive” or “why did I survive “ or a Myriad of thoughts that do not accept survival itself as the answer. #burnoutbuddyread

Amandajoy, Hooked_on_books, Blaire, Librarybelle, KT1432, SilverButtonBooks

Branwen I love this quote! It's so inspirational! Thanks for sharing! 😊 💗 4y

Blaire Sheryl Sandberg talked a lot about this in her book option b about resilience and the way we can make our lives meaningful after a loss or other difficult experience. For myself I think about how much I‘ve changed my life and goals and focus after learning my daughter‘s diagnosis. 4y

Chrissyreadit @Branwen I‘m so glad you liked it too! 4y

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Chrissyreadit @Blaire did you like Sandbergs book? TBH I‘ve put off reading her because I felt like I wouldn‘t relate to her views. 4y

Librarybelle I think it‘s a very important quote and one that definitely resonates. Good one to share! 4y

Blaire @Chrissyreadit I thought it was just ok. Her story of coping with being a young widow and helping her kids cope were moving, but most of the actual advice I already knew from sources like Brene Brown. Sandberg‘s book does have a section about this and examples of changing course after grief and finding meaning...it was one of the stronger sections. 4y

Amandajoy I love this. The role resiliency plays in getting people through tough times should not be discounted. 4y

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