Super Awkward

Not book related but earlier this year I had to unfriend some people on Facebook because they were messing up my feed with their ugliness. Today someone contacted me asking if it was a mistake so I felt like I had to be honest and tell her why. Have any of you had to deal with this or have you ever been unfriended? I feel like I would just leave it alone if anyone unfriended me. I hate conflict and I'm feeling uncomfortable about this.

Foxyfictionista I thought I'd share this picture of a swan I made that is in no way related to this subject. 8y

LindsayReads I've been unfriended on occasion...I may confront the person if I wanted to salvage whatever happened, otherwise I just let it roll off. If they don't want me in their lives, why should I wsnt them in mine, ya know? On the flipside, I'm a big fan of hiding people from my feed. Though Facecationing right now is working best. 😆 8y

Pinkmeghan I can't believe they'd even message asking!!! I've been defriended before, once even by a family member, and I just moved on with my day! Grow up, people! Your social media accounts are like your digital living room, and you have the right to decide what is said in that room! 8y

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JDHawkins I was confronted by someone I unfriended. I was honest with him and told him that he was always lovely in person and I enjoyed his company. But that his posts were always incredibly angry and profane and I wanted to try to keep my life positive and peaceful. He was fairly gracious about it. 8y

Caterina I unfollow people on Facebook all the time - then I never see them in my feed again and they don't know, so there's not any confrontation. 8y

LectricSheep It's an interesting problem. Social media has really changed the way we see friendships. In most circumstances, our friends are people we work with or have some real-world connection to, so it's much harder to "unfriend" them. But social media makes making-- and breaking-- connections with people much simpler. But I think it's hard for people to realize that social media friendships don't have the same "rules" as in-person ones. I like your swan! 8y

mauveandrosysky I was unfriended by some Trump supporters on FB and I consider this a major personal victory in my life. 🙌🏻 But in all seriousness, I've also unfriended a bunch of people this year and have yet to be confronted about it. If any of them ever do ask me about it, I'll be honest and tell them why. 8y

Foxyfictionista @LindsayReads I'm pretty sure I've been unfriended as well as I have some pretty strong views. I try to express them in a thoughtful and intelligent way and I don't like to make people feel bad. I kind of expect the same from others. But if someone unfriended me, I don't think that I would confront that person. It's weird. 8y

Foxyfictionista @Pinkmeghan Exactly!! It was just getting to be too much so I did a cull. 8y

Foxyfictionista @JDHawkins That sounds very mature. I like it. I think my explanation was pretty grown up but I'm always uncomfortable with having to tell people what I think about them. (Unless it's positive.) It's good that you had such a positive response. 8y

Zelma I just hide people. I only unfriend when it's someone I haven't spoken to in eons and have no relationship with anymore. I also keep a pretty small friend regardless. Hiding works if someone is being super political and annoying or in the first year when friends with babies forget good taste (I don't need poop or vomit stories on my feed). 8y

Zelma I would be uncomfortable about being contacted but just be honest. that said, I would also be super hurt if someone stop talking to me due to different opinions and I can't imagine not being friends with people over an election. 8y

Foxyfictionista @Caterina I had thought about doing that. I usually do that with family members or people that I might run into in person but this person tends to message me and I didn't want anymore dialogue with her so I had to let her go. I guess it was a bit cowardly but this year has been so stressful and it seems like people have lost their minds. 8y

Pinkmeghan @Foxyfictionista this feels like the perfect use of the block button to me! 👋 buh-bye! 🙌 8y

Foxyfictionista @LectricSheep Yes, social media does being up interesting problems. But I keep trying to remind myself that she and I met on a writing website years ago and kept in touch. She's not a bosom friend and we had never actually met which is part of the reason I'm baffled about her contacting me. I'm trying to not be in Facebook so much these days anyway. Thank goodness for Litsy!!!! 8y

Foxyfictionista @mauveandrosysky haha! I would prefer if people unfriended me. But you're definitely right about telling the truth. It just makes me feel bad to know that I've hurt her feelings despite the horrible things she posted. 8y

LectricSheep I know! Litsy is great. ❤️️ 8y

Foxyfictionista @Zelma Yes, unfollowing was an option but she messages me fairly regularly and I didn't want to talk to her anymore. It wasn't the difference of opinion that bothered me, it was the way she communicated it. I had some really aggressive people on both sides that were being horrible. I like having calm, well-thought out discussions about things and I'm not interested in being friends with someone who can't communicate like a sensible person. 8y

Foxyfictionista @Pinkmeghan Yep. Pretty much. 8y

Zelma @Foxyfictionista sounds like the right decision, then. 👍👍 I can relate in that I recently ended some friendships due to too much drama and just bitting heads all the time. Spending time with them stopped being an enjoyable experience. I walked away and am still a bit uncomfortable about it but happier as a result. 8y

Notafraidofwords I might sound rough, but if I have no interest in keeping a relationship, I won't. Mostly because it's stressful to keep up with something that I no longer want. 8y

Bookgirl At first I thought you meant she was just an annoying facebooker. I know lots of those and I hide them but I adore them in person and want them in my life. Just not on my FB feed. 😂 But this is different. You wanted to remove a toxic person completely. Honestly most of us just let those people go. No explanation. And I'm with you - all the anger on both sides made me sick to my stomach. Can't we all just talk about books?!!!?? 📚📚❤️❤️ 8y

melbeautyandbooks You are in control of who is in your life, whether it is in person or virtually. 8y

Centique Commiserations - that sort of confronting makes me really uncomfortable too. I've culled people out of FB to try and keep it to family and friends rather than acquaintances but it's hard if everyone expects to connect there. I think there's one woman who isn't speaking to me anymore because of it! Oh well, deep breaths and move on 👍 You're better off without the nastiness 8y

Foxyfictionista @Zelma I definitely think it was the right decision. This is just uncharted territory for me. I didn't grow up in the age of social media. 😨 8y

Foxyfictionista @Notafraidofwords I'm the same way. It's exhausting. I just wish I could have backed away without the drama. 😬 8y

KilgoreTrout I noticed I had been unfriended by a lot of kids I went to college with, probably from all my political posts! But I've never confronted or been confronted. I tend to choose "unfollow" rather than "unfriend" to avoid trouble ?But I know sometimes it's really bad and you have to do a full removal! 8y

Foxyfictionista @Bookgirl I don't actually think that I have random facebookers as friends. I try to keep it to people that I have relationships or some kind of connection/common interest with. And I agree. Books are definitely the safest topic!! 8y

Foxyfictionista @melbeautyandbooks That is a very succinct way of putting it. Maybe I'm complicating it too much in my head. 8y

Foxyfictionista @Centique Things certainly do get complicated quickly with social media. It always sends like a good idea at the time to connect with someone you like. I think that this year has also been anomalous because the election has stirred up some passions on all sides. Deep breaths for sure. 8y

Foxyfictionista @KilgoreTrout Yeah, I might switch to unfollowing for a while to avoid further confrontations. My solution is to not be in Facebook as much. I prefer Litsy anyway!! 8y

melbeautyandbooks @Foxyfictionista- I think we all do that. We also don't want to hurt someone's feelings. However, we take that person's feelings into account more than our own sometimes. If you're at a party and you walk up to a group who is talking about stuff you don't like, don't find interesting, etc., you leave and find another group to talk to. Same thing here. She's not your people. There is nothing wrong with that. We don't like everybody. 8y

Foxyfictionista @melbeautyandbooks You are a very sensible person! ☺️ 8y

melbeautyandbooks And not everybody likes us. All things that are OK. This year is different, people aren't just disagreeing about inane things. They are disagreeing about how to treat human beings. As far as I'm concerned, that is not something you can just "agree to disagree" on. 8y

melbeautyandbooks @Foxyfictionista- Thank you! I'm so happy we have this safe space to talk! 😊 8y

Foxyfictionista @melbeautyandbooks Yes, you're absolutely right about this year. That's what has been really overwhelming for me. I want to engage with people but I want it to be in a safe space. If I had posted this on Facebook I would have gotten roasted. 🌋🔥🔥 🔥 8y

Bookgirl @Foxyfictionista oh agreed. I have about 100 FB friends. All people who at one point or another in my life are/were a real life friend. I still hide some people though, because they post incessantly about politics or other hot button issues. I still like those people, but its not why I'm on FB. Plus, people say things through a keyboard that they would never say IRL and things get ugly. No thanks. 8y

Centique So much sympathy for all of you in the US as you navigate this. And good on you for putting your point of view forward in the first place @Foxyfictionista 8y

MyNamesParadise I don't go on on Facebook anymore because I find it a time waster more than anything, but you are able to unfollow people so their stuff doesn't show up on your newsfeed to avoid defriending completely in the future. I really should defriend half the so called ppl I have on there lol. If I care enough about someone I'll text them! 8y

Foxyfictionista @Bookgirl You're so right. And it's really difficult to have any sort of intelligent discourse on fb because it's hard to pick up nuance on social media and people are just ready to jump on someone over the slightest thing. Although...having said that, we have some fantastic conversations on Litsy. Hmmmm... 8y

Foxyfictionista @Centique Thanks! I feel a bit better about it now. 8y

Foxyfictionista @MyNamesParadise I've been going on it less too. I will be hiding people in the future but I didn't want this person to message me anymore which is why I unfriended. But it's more trouble than it's worth! 8y

MyNamesParadise @Foxyfictionista I'm pretty sure you can block them from Messenger as well! And depending on what smart phone you have you can block numbers from your cell. I recently had to cut out my childhood best friend and her whole crazy family from my life (I only miss their beautiful chihuahua) so I really know how this feels!!! 8y

Bookgirl @Foxyfictionista yes Litsy is the best! Maybe because our minds are more open due to all the diverse and wonderful things we read?!? Whatever it is, I'm grateful for the lack of anger and ugly words here, and that people are respectful. Litsy is proof that many of us prefer kind words and intelligent discussion over name calling and hostility. #litsylove 8y

Foxyfictionista @MyNamesParadise Oh wow. that must have been difficult! I have blocked her so she can't follow up. A bit cowardly but I've said what I needed to and I tried not to be mean. 8y

Foxyfictionista @Bookgirl I think that's why! Everyone here seems really open-minded and smart. It's definitely the best place on the internet. I mean, I can follow people without looking at their profiles first. That blows my mind. 😆 8y

MyNamesParadise @Foxyfictionista I said my bit too and I'm quick to anger when it came to them because they did a lot of crappy things to me over the past couple of years (they're weird- like a cult- if I told you the stuff they do and think you'd think I had a wild imagination) but everyone reaches their point where they're like "yep I'm done". My friend knows it's damaged beyond repair, Taylor Swift's Bad Blood comes to mind! 8y

Foxyfictionista @MyNamesParadise I'm the same way. I get angry pretty quickly and I decide when I'm done quickly as well. I understand about the cult thing. I know people like that too. It's incredible sometimes the way people treat each other. 8y

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