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How We Fight for Our Lives
How We Fight for Our Lives | Saeed Jones
From award-winning poet Saeed Jones, How We Fight for Our Lives is a stunning coming-of-age memoir written at the crossroads of sex, race, and power. People dont just happen, writes Saeed Jones. We sacrifice former versions of ourselves. We sacrifice the people who dared to raise us. The I it seems doesnt exist until we are able to say, I am no longer yours. Haunted and haunting, Joness memoir tells the story of a young, black, gay man from the South as he fights to carve out a place for himself, within his family, within his country, within his own hopes, desires, and fears. Through a series of vignettes that chart a course across the American landscape, Jones draws readers into his boyhood and adolescenceinto tumultuous relationships with his mother and grandmother, into passing flings with lovers, friends and strangers. Each piece builds into a larger examination of race and queerness, power and vulnerability, love and grief: a portrait of what we all do for one anotherand to one anotheras we fight to become ourselves. Blending poetry and prose, Jones has developed a style that is equal parts sensual, beautiful, and powerfula voice thats by turns a river, a blues, and a nightscape set ablaze. How We Fight for Our Lives is a one of a kind memoir and a book that cements Saeed Jones as an essential writer for our time.
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ChaoticMissAdventures
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#pridebookrec #nonfiction week
Who doesn't need a gorgeous middle American Black boy coming of age story?
Jones is spectacular.

MallenNC This book is so good! I read it a while ago but I still think about the last chapter and the final line. 2y
20 likes1 comment
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staci.reads
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Pickpick

Incredibly powerful memoir. Written with brutal honesty and flowing prose, Jones's nature as a poet shines through. It's really raw in places, and honestly, I struggled with the abundance of graphic scenes of sex and violence. That's not a criticism of his work - it's his truth - just an acknowledment that as a reader, I struggled with it.

Reggie I loved this book. His writing was poetic and his truths could cut. 3y
56 likes1 comment
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Megabooks
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Pickpick

In this moving memoir, Jones shares what it is like to come of age as a gay Black man in the South. Growing up in suburban Lewisville, TX, he was close to his mother yet afraid to fully open up to her. At college in Kentucky, he had the space to come alive and open up to his mother, but he had some negative and awkward sexual experiences, too. He ends the memoir with his mother‘s death right after he finished grad school. #audiobook ⬇️

Megabooks It reminded me of Heavy in that they were both Black men coming of age in the South and sharing their experiences with their mothers. 3y
MallenNC The ending of this book really stuck with me. When he‘s on the trip to Europe and he ends with “our mothers are why we are here.” 3y
Megabooks @MallenNC yes! I loved the lady who traveled by herself, but I think what will always stick with me was his reaction to his mother‘s cut off clothes when she was in a coma. That just broke my heart! (edited) 3y
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SamAnne I loved this one. Read it on the heels of Heavy and it was interesting to compare the two. @Megabooks 3y
Megabooks @SamAnne I would think that would be an interesting pair to read. What did you think of them. I‘m guessing you liked them both but how was the comparison? 3y
SamAnne @Megabooks I thought both were beautiful, hardhitting. I remember both really bringing the current racism/racist history of our country to the personal level for a Black son coming of age and navigating early adulthood. And both writers were raised by single mothers, with slightly different circumstances if I remember. So it felt like a one-two punch. Jones' memoir is half the length, and feels like it was written by a poet. 3y
98 likes3 stack adds6 comments
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JoyBlue
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JoyBlue
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Pickpick

For a memoir to rate so highly from me is unusual. Maybe the fact that it's short helped. [Most people's lives aren't so interesting to others that they merit more than 200–300 pages.] ⬇

JoyBlue Pro: relationships with his mother and grandmother; candid portrayal of his feelings of self-worth, how he treated himself, and how he allowed others to treat him and change him/how he interacted with them; moments of humor; commentary on systemic racism's role in his family's lives; an experience shared with an unrelated woman he met while traveling.

Content warning: There were scenes including explicit sex, violence, and sexual violence.
(edited) 4y
37 likes1 comment
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Addison_Reads
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Pickpick

#BookSpinBingo @TheAromaofBooks #NonFiction2021 @Riveted_Reader_Melissa

Powerful memoir! I listened to the author read this and it made the read even better.

Saeed doesn't shy away from the difficult aspects of his life and he writes with such ferocity that I couldn't stop listening once I started this one.

His relationship with his mother was touching to read. 💚💔

Reggie When he reads the letter from her....😭. Also when I hear of religion and politics, I know, I know, they‘re not all the same, but I often think of that preacher praying so that god can punish his mother for being Buddhist. I feel like there is a lot of that punish attitude out there for the most nonsensical reasons. 4y
TheAromaofBooks Woohoo!! 4y
47 likes1 stack add2 comments
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Megabooks
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To celebrate MLK Day, I bought an anti-racist book from a black-owned bookstore through Libro.fm. Never too many audiobooks!!

There are many lists of black-owned bookstores online. The two closest to me have closed, unfortunately, but I picked one in a state where I used to live.

Reviewsbylola I think you‘ll like this one. I got to hear Jones speak a few months ago and he‘s such a lovely person. 4y
Megabooks @Reviewsbylola that‘s fantastic! It‘s been on my TBR radar for awhile, so I‘m glad to own it. 4y
Reggie I loved this book. This was the first time I actually saw myself as a gay man in a book. 4y
Megabooks @Reggie that is awesome! It‘s so hard to see yourself in books a lot of times when you‘re not straight or white. I‘m only just now finding books that represent me as an asexual woman, though I am white. Angela Chen in her book Ace was the closest I‘ve found to part of my journey. It is such a relief to feel seen. I‘m looking forward to this even more now. 4y
96 likes4 comments
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thestarlesscasea
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I have accepted that the way I do my monthly TBRs is to just list out all the books I m i g h t read. So here that is for January 2021. I just finished A Dead Djinn in Cairo and am currently reading Good Omens, The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics, Sorcery of Thorns, The Night Circus, The Starless Sea (reread), The Bloody Chamber, We Set the Night on Fire, Snagglepuss, and How We Fight for Our Lives. Let's do this, 2021 🤙🏻

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Bibliogeekery
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Starting this audiobook! #queerbooks

31 likes1 stack add
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Messiejessie
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Pickpick

Short but punchy!
This memoir was intimate, candid and brutally honest.
The man sure knows how to turn a phrase.

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Erynecki
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Pickpick

The willingness to be vulnerable on the page is often what makes a memoir powerful. Saeed Jones‘ memoir overflows with vulnerability, but it‘s the way that he so tenderly weaves together the brutal and poetic that is so moving. The flap says, “Jones tells the story of a young, black, gay man from the South as he fights to carve out a place for himself...” The writing is really good.

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Messiejessie
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Reviewsbylola
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So grateful to have the opportunity to join this webinar tonight. Maggie Smith and Saaed Jones talked about their writing and resiliency. They were both a total joy and I even found myself taking notes!

SamAnne Wow! 4y
Megabooks Awesome! 4y
66 likes2 comments
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Liz_M
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OriginalCyn620 😥📚😥 4y
BarbaraBB Ducks too? I should really read it! 4y
Liz_M @BarbaraBB It is 900 pages long -- it darn well better evoke every emotion! 4y
BarbaraBB Haha you are right! 4y
21 likes4 comments
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steph_phanie
Pickpick

Highly recommend! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
A coming-of-age memoir about a young, black, gay man trying to understand himself and make space for himself in his family and in the world. It is set largely in Texas and Kentucky.
Saeed Jones is a beautiful writer. His heart and soul were laid bare on these pages.

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steph_phanie
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"In retrospect, I think I didn't feel as if a burden had been lifted because my being gay was never actually the burden. There was still so much I hadn't told my mother, so much I knew that I would probably never tell her. I had come out to my mother as a gay man, but within minutes, I realized I had not come out to her as myself." (p. 97-98)
~
That last sentence!

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steph_phanie
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"Just as some cultures have a hundred words for "snow," there should be a hundred words in our language for all the ways a black boy can lie awake at night." (p.24) ?

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Hooked_on_books
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Pickpick

In many ways Saeed Jones‘s memoir of growing up black and gay is straightforward, almost pedestrian. But therein lies its power—he makes many of his experiences so relatable, so human, that it‘s impossible not to empathize. You can easily see yourself as him, allowing you to feel his story that much more deeply. Impressive writing.

MallenNC Agree. It‘s very relatable. The final chapter had me in tears. 4y
SamAnne Loved this memoir. Did the audio that he narrates. 4y
50 likes2 comments
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JackOBotts
Pickpick

A powerful memoir that I couldn‘t put down this morning!

SamAnne Agreed! 4y
26 likes1 comment
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JackOBotts
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Next up...looking forward to diving in.

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SamAnne
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Pickpick

Powerful memoir of growing up a gay Black man, son of a single mother. Great audio book read by the author.

51 likes1 stack add
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SamAnne
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Started this audio book today.

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ReadingEnvy
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Pickpick

Saeed Jones writes about growing up black and gay in a family that preferred not to have its secrets spoken out loud. He went on to college in Kentucky which had its own challenges but it is also where he found his voice as a writer. I particularly loved the family dynamics - single mother and Buddhism in the south makes for some great moments. How Saeed is tokenized and/or overlooked for hookups aligns with what I've heard from other black men.

vivastory He was the MC for the Greenlight Bookstore zoom reading I watched last week. It should be posted to YouTube sometime this week, it was pretty remarkable 4y
ReadingEnvy @vivastory ooh thanks I'll look for that. I've followed him in Twitter for some time too 4y
SamAnne In my audio queue! 4y
Reggie This was the first time I saw the gay part of me in a book. 4y
ReadingEnvy @Reggie he really captures it! It takes massive vulnerability to write like that but I guess when people let their guard down it's the only way to find out they aren't alone. 4y
68 likes2 stack adds5 comments
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ReadingEnvy

"I didn't realize how much I had denied myself..."

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natalieebloom
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Pickpick

I could not put this memoir down. Saeed has a unique story, but the emotions he portrayed were so universal. His stories made my heart hurt and sing. I plowed through it in two sittings. An important read during Pride and with the current political climate in the US.

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Liz_M
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Much of my reading is focused on “classics“, so this is an area where I need to make an effort in order to broaden the perspectives I encounter.

I've read two books with characters identified as LGBTQIA+, but only one was #ownvoices (the tagged) and a third book by an author that identified as gay, but the novel didn't include characters identified as LGBTQIA+

#integrateyourshelf @ChasingOm @Emilymdxn

Liz_M And I've started the tagged book: 4y
Emilymdxn I really really want to read how we fight for our lives! It gets incredible reviews 4y
ChasingOm This looks great! 4y
Freespirit You might enjoy this...A classic that I loved that fits this genre is The Well of Loneliness 4y
Liz_M @Freespirit I read that in college, probably for a women-studies class. It might be due for a re-read. 🤔 4y
19 likes5 comments
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Augustdana
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This has been on my list forever !! Finally got a skip the line hold from the library. It‘s a beautiful 23 degrees (Celsius 🤣) today and I‘m enjoying my second day of summer vacation immensely.

12 likes1 stack add
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Liz_M
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Liz_M You can also get free shipping on the purchase of any of the tagged books as well as How We Fight for Our Lives. (edited) 4y
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vivastory Thanks for posting. I'm in 100%! I'm planning on taking the next day off from work, so this will be a great way to kick off my long weekend! 4y
BarbaraBB So you two can spot eachother among great authors‘ faces! I envy you and would love a picture 😀 @vivastory 4y
9 likes14 comments
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Liz_M
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37 books read
4 Black authors
2 NB POC authors
4 International POC authors (Japanese, Chinese, Pakistani)
0 Indigenous authors
1 LGBTQIA+ author

@ChasingOm @Emilymdxn #integrateyourshelf

According to google, 6% of the world's population is Indigenous. So I should have read at least two books by Indigenous authors. I also need to double-check my count of LGBTQIA+ authors and make a conscious effort to include more in my reading.

Emilymdxn Awesome to have you on board with this! I‘m going to be making a conscious effort to read more indigenous authors in the second half of this year as well, we can share recommendations! 4y
ChasingOm I need the same recommendations! I feel like that will be a prompt sometime in the next few weeks, lol. 4y
LaraS For Indigenous fiction I LOVED The Marrow Thieves by Cherie Dimaline! And There There has been on my TBR for way too long. For non fic I think The Inconvenient Indian should be mandatory reading in school. 📚😊 (edited) 4y
Liz_M @LaraS Thanks for these recs! 4y
12 likes4 comments
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JenReadsAlot
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Pickpick

A short yet powerful memoir.

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NicoleCeBallos
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Pickpick

Saeed actually grew up in Lewisville, TX, which is about 20 mins from my town. I enjoyed seeing it through his eyes and reading about his life as a gay, black man in Texas. Spoiler: that's not an easy thing to be here. #lgbt #ourownvoices #pridemonth

27 likes2 stack adds
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Reviewsbylola
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The top row are books finished this week. The two on the left were because I am making an effort to continue educating myself. #blm The Lewis Man was my #tartannoir pick for #booked2020. I have been reading Matilda with Flo—it‘s too scary for G.

Currently reading The Witches with Flo and I‘m hoping G will warm to it. Halfway thru both The Rabbit Queen (#booked2020 #animaloncover) and White Like Her (audio). #bookreport

Emilymdxn It‘s great having a Litsy community for working on educating ourselves together! I really want to read that Martin Luther King book 4y
TrishB A good week 👍🏻 4y
Reviewsbylola It‘s so powerful. And disappointing that it‘s still so relevant today. @Emilymdxn 4y
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emilyhaldi Omg I love The Witches!!!!! 🖤 ps. Did you like the Lewis Man?? 4y
Reviewsbylola Yes it was good! @emilyhaldi 4y
Cinfhen I thought the tagged book was just SO SAD/ I didn‘t really “enjoy” the reading experience 😞How funny that Flo is the brave one!!! 4y
Reviewsbylola G gets really freaked out by certain things. I had to go pick her up from the theater when brian took the girls to see Lion King. 🤦🏼‍♀️ @Cinfhen 4y
Cinfhen G‘s my favorite 🙊 4y
Reviewsbylola She‘s absolutely hilarious. @Cinfhen 4y
78 likes9 comments
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MallenNC
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Pickpick

Reading books is one way to get a glimpse at other people‘s lives. While our lives are quite different, I absolutely related to and loved the parts of this book where he talks about his relationship with his mother. While I‘m lucky to still have my mother, I have lost a parent, and his words on his mother will stick with me for a long time. I loved the last line, “Our mothers are why we are here.” It had two meanings and was perfect.

SamAnne Starting the audio of this one next week 4y
33 likes1 comment
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Reviewsbylola
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Pickpick

We all know that knowledge is power, so I‘ve been making it my mission this weekend to read books that speak to the experiences and history of POC. First up is this memoir. It‘s biting and fast and tells the intersectional story of Saeed as he grows up as a gay black man in the south. He has a wonderful way with words, and his relationship with his mother really spoke to me. We don‘t always know how to connect with those we love. #blm

Soubhiville This book was great! I was lucky enough to see the author speak at Texas Book Festival last fall, and he was unforgettable. 4y
squirrelbrain Sounds wonderful - stacked! 4y
Djspens One of my daughter‘s favorite authors. I still need to read this one. 4y
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Julsmarshall This is so good!! 4y
Liz_M I bookmarked so many passages in this one! 4y
ErikasMindfulShelf Just started this today. 4y
Cinfhen Love the flowers 4y
97 likes4 stack adds7 comments
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candority
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Pickpick

How We Fight for Our Lives is a fantastic memoir that recounts Saeed Jones‘ experiences being a gay, black man from the South. It is haunting, heartbreaking and so powerful. I highly recommend the audiobook, which is narrated by the author.

SamAnne Thanks for reminding me of this book. Just used an Audible credit to download. 4y
readordierachel I heard him on NPR recently, and this sounds so good! 4y
candority @SamAnne @readordierachel I hope you both enjoy it! 4y
68 likes3 comments
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UnRuLee
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Pickpick

2020 Read Harder Challenge, book 22
Prompt: Read a debut novel by a queer author
Title: How We Fight For Our Lives
Author: Saeed Jones

I‘m still processing this one—anything that deals with dying parents guts me. All I can say is wow. This is an incredible, poetic, heart-scraping snapshot of growing up as a gay black man in a conservative town, and of facing the loss of a beloved family member. I‘m adding all of Jones‘ poetry to my TBR list now.

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NerdyRev
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We all know that feeling of getting a stack of new books and 4 of your library holds, which you made months ago, all come in AT THE SAME TIME!

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JenniferEgnor
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Would it always be this way? Time cascading and crashing in on itself, each memory pushing me back toward the beginning of my grief. I didn‘t know if I could take it.

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JenniferEgnor
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When I first stepped into the water, I almost laughed. At its warmth, like an embrace. The tease of the waves licking my ankles. The shock of coming into contact with a body of water that vast, then vanishing into it.

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JenniferEgnor
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The sunflowers calmed me, so I looked at them whenever I felt tears or memories begin to take hold.

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JenniferEgnor
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Tears don‘t always just fall; sometimes they rip through you, like storm – painted gusts instead of mere raindrops.

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JenniferEgnor
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Sometimes I would picture a dark, tobacco – scented flower blossoming in one of her lungs, then another and another... maybe the flowers would die off one winter, only to return the following spring. It would be awful, I was sure, but it would be slow. We would have time to say goodbye. We‘d watch the season change together.

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JenniferEgnor
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...The outlines of my silhouette beginning to crumble and come apart, the color of my skin and then the flesh itself pooling out like ink dropped into clear water. I was turning into fog. And in me, what had already been difficult – distinguishing between memory and present moment, between thought and action – became practically impossible. I could‘ve been anywhere; I could‘ve been anything.

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JenniferEgnor
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This night would, in the end, just be one Sanskrit word uttered in a very long prayer. I slept well that night, but I didn‘t dream.

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JenniferEgnor
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It seemed as if my life were waiting for me outside that room, like a polite guest I left behind at the table. It was rude to keep him waiting. It helped to think of my life as someone separate from me, a person who didn‘t deserve to be abandoned.

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JenniferEgnor
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After having put so many years and miles between the scared little boy and the young man I had fought so hard to become, here I was again: alone in the crowd, the black kid trembling in the middle of a graveyard only he could perceive. “The drowned and the drowning, including always myself.”

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JenniferEgnor
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I tried to read my face but its language was inscrutable. I didn‘t look interesting. I didn‘t look like a man who was screaming behind his smile.

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JenniferEgnor
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This is what I thought it meant to be a man fighting for his life. If America was going to hate me for being black and gay, then I might as well make a weapon out of myself.

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JenniferEgnor
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...I stared at an orange tree just out of reach until I finally plucked off a fruit. It seemed miraculous, oranges in the dead of of winter.