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Ace
Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Identity, and the Meaning of Sex | Angela Chen
An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that's obsessed with sexual attraction, and what we can all learn about desire and identity by using an ace lens to see the world What exactly is sexual attraction and what is it like to go through the world not experiencing it? What does asexuality reveal about consent, about compromise, about the structures of society? This accessible guide to asexuality shows that the issues that aces face--confusion around sexual activity, the intersection of sexuality and identity, navigating different needs in relationships--are conflicts that all of us experience as we move through the world. Through interviews, cultural criticism, and memoir, ACE invites all readers to consider big-picture issues through the lens of asexuality. Journalist Angela Chen weaves together her own path to understanding her asexuality with the perspectives of a diverse group of asexual people. Vulnerable and honest, these stories include a woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that "not wanting sex" was a sign of serious illness, and a man who grew up in an evangelical household and did everything "right," only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others. Also represented are disabled aces, aces of color, non-gender-conforming aces, and aces who don't want romantic relationships who are all navigating a world that is infatuated by sex. Through careful cultural analysis, Chen explores the influence of societal norms upon our understanding of intimacy and relationships and celebrates the sheer breadth of sexuality and queerness.
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stimmlos
Pickpick

reread it this year, easy read, standard work about asexuality
4.5/5

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Kenyazero
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Pickpick

It took me a really long time to finish this, partially because I took a long break. It‘s pretty dense, and several chapters covered some emotionally turbulent topics I wasn‘t prepared to feel right then. Overall an excellent read and many interesting insights. I related to a lot of what was said and filled my copy with sticky tabs marking that and other content. A few times I felt this went off course or reached odd conclusions. #LGBTQIA

30 likes3 stack adds
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Kenyazero
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😏

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StellaDz
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Pickpick

This book is great because it‘s not just about the asexual community. It‘s about sex, and the hold it has on a lot of what we base successful relationships on. It‘s a discussion on other healthier ways to create and keep relationships. Because if sex is the be all end all, it‘s not just Aces that can be found lacking or ‘odd‘. It puts an unrealistic standard on everyone. If you‘re Ace, read this book. If you‘re not, read this book.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

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StellaDz
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When I first came out, I had a lot of people clarify the definition of asexual to me. As if I wouldn‘t know, but also, as if I wouldn‘t know what it meant FOR ME. And it‘s great that some can just merge all forms of attraction into one, thinking they‘re all the same. It is when you really need to think about it (Aces), that you fully understand the different ways in which attraction can form.

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Bookwomble
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Pickpick

I wanted to finish at least a couple of my 'currently reading' books before starting a new one, & I've completed 3 today, which I'm pleased with
I got something from all of them, "Ace" being the one I'll reflect upon the most, & which has been more immediately useful in helping me to identify, challenge, & hopefully adjust, some of my received assumptions, in this case about sexuality & relationships. A worthwhile read irrespective of orientation.

TheIntrovertedDodoBird Ooh. I'm ace, and I'm definitely going to read this. Stacked! 🖤🩶💜🤍 9mo
Bookwomble @TheIntrovertedDodoBird I'm allo and learned so much from this book that will be personally and professionally helpful. I'll be signposting this book to any ace or questioning service-users I work with. I hope you find reading it beneficial 😊 9mo
TheIntrovertedDodoBird @Bookwomble I love that you're learning about the A-spec umbrella. There's so many myths and misconceptions out there, and not an ample amount of good rep either. The aces in your life will love this recommendation. I'm constantly looking for good rep (there‘s really not a lot out there, unfortunately). Thank you for introducing me to it 🖤🩶💜🤍 9mo
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TieDyeDude I haven't read Ace yet, but my wife enjoyed it. We are both ace and are happy to see more representation in print and visual media in the past few years. 9mo
Bookwomble @TheIntrovertedDodoBird I was doing some training a few weeks ago with an academic who told us they were ace. I mentioned I was reading this book (slow reader!), and they said they'd read it and thought it was really good, so that's an even better recommendation for it! Hope you like it 😊 8mo
Bookwomble @TieDyeDude It's good to hear that the book is well regarded by the people it's written for and about 😊 8mo
36 likes1 stack add6 comments
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StellaDz
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I came out as asexual about two years ago and it‘s beyond freeing to finally understand oneself. It‘s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

15 likes1 stack add
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Bookwomble
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I'm taking longer to read this than I should, which is nothing to do with the book & everything to do with me overextending myself with multiple books on the go. When I finish one I feel I want to pick up another new one rather than focusing on those I've already started. 😮‍💨 but also 😌
So, the chapter I've just finished about ace friendships was really thought-provoking for me as an allo person, allowing me to reflect upon some unconscious ⬇️

Bookwomble ... biases and opening up perspective on some (clearly arbitrary) social norms.
It also got me thinking about Frodo in #LotR. It makes sense to me that Frodo is ace (and possibly Bilbo, too). He's obviously a loving person who cares deeply for others, while showing no sexual interest in them, unlike, say, Sam with his crush on Rosie. This makes Frodo a more expansive character for me, and one I'll think on next time I do a re-read.
9mo
Bookwomble (Apologies to any ace LotR-fan Littens for stating the obvious 🙂) 9mo
32 likes2 comments
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Rissreads
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Pickpick

I wish there had been books like these when I was a younger person. They are so important and this one has been incredibly important to me. I‘m 52 and still learning things about myself and that‘s a good thing. I‘m just so glad that this generation has all this information at their fingertips. Brilliant book!
💜💜💜💜💜

MrsMalaprop Beautiful photo 💛💜 10mo
38 likes1 comment
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Bookwomble
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I'm reading this to better understand asexual orientation. 22 pages in and I'm already getting enlightening perspectives. The reviews for this book are overwhelmingly positive, however I've found it helpful to read the 1⭐ reviews to fix in my mind that no book can express everybody's experience and that reading this will provide me with useful, not definitive, insight.

Bookwomble One of the optional demographic questions we ask as part of service assessments at work is sexual orientation, with the limited options hetero-, homo- or bisexual. I've always added, "or something else", and will now included "asexual" to the options I specify. Ace inclusivity, with a potential side order of allo awareness-raising! ???? 10mo
Aimeesue My organization uses drop-down menus for sexual orientation and gender identity. It‘s very frustrating. Everything circles back to data collection and analytics. 🙄 10mo
Bookwomble @Aimeesue I've raised the lack of options being too restrictive & hence oppressive (sexual orientation is bad, gender is worse), but made little progress. It's frustrating because, as with your work, the principle is of data collection & analytics, the supposed intent being to inform & adapt service provision (not just ours, but all services in the organisation: NHS), but we can only collect the data they've already decided is relevant 😡🤷🏻‍♂️ 10mo
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Aimeesue @Bookwomble EXACTLY. It‘s so frustrating. I feel like I‘m yelling into the void most days. It rankles me when management defaults to “that‘s the way the system works.” WE made the system. We can change it. 10mo
Bookwomble @Aimeesue I recognise that frustration! I guess we just have to keep wearing away at it 🙂 10mo
rwmg @Bookwomble @Aimeesue - do you have “would rather not say“ as one of the options? 10mo
Aimeesue @Bookwomble Wearing away at is right. I do regularly point stuff like this (my other constant refrain is that requiring online forms, etc disadvantages those who don‘t have reliable internet connections or computers,) so hopefully, someday . . . (edited) 10mo
Aimeesue @rwmg Nope. Sometimes I can NOT make a choice “——" but then when records are reviewed they can make a fuss, depending on what data is "missing." 10mo
Bookwomble @rwmg We do have that as an option, which is fine if that's the person's actual choice not to disclose, but to have no easy way of allowing confirmation of a person's identity if they would be happy to disclose is largely hetero- and cis-normative, and it's effectively a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. 10mo
rwmg @Bookwomble Oh no, I wasn't thinking of that as an alternative for Ace, it's just a pet peeve of mine, forcing people to come out in the name of inclusivity 10mo
Bookwomble @rwmg I get you - no, we don't do that 🙂 10mo
Bookwomble @Aimeesue @rwmg Well, Somebody was listening! We've just been nominated to trial a new equality, diversity and inclusion policy, which should start to address some of the issues we've been discussing here! I'm really excited for it 😆 10mo
Aimeesue That IS good news! 10mo
Aimeesue @rwmg It‘s a hard path to navigate. OTOH, it can be valuable information for ourMH providers to know, especially if it‘s causing family issues that affect the individual, I.e., abusive unacceptance by parents, etc. OTOH, a lot of times it‘s irrelevant, so why does anyone need to know? Other than to use preferred name, etc. (edited) 10mo
43 likes2 stack adds14 comments
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Kenyazero
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Heavy wet snow knocked out the power so I can't do any work. Guess I'll read 😆 #Spring #Colorado #Snow #GuessIllRead

Smrloomis Hope you managed to stay warm! 🥶 11mo
Kenyazero @Smrloomis Thanks! Fortunately, it wasn't very cold and we had a fire going in the wood stove. 11mo
Smrloomis Sounds cozy!! 😍 11mo
25 likes3 comments
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Chelsea.Poole
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Pickpick

Listened to this audiobook that was eye opening and informative. It made me consider the wide range of possibilities for individual‘s sexual experience, or lack thereof. Sex is centered in our culture, which isn‘t necessarily healthy for everyone. I‘d recommend this for everyone, for gaining perspective when it comes to intimacy, whether it be romantic or sexual.

JenniferEgnor I‘m looking forward to reading this, found out about it last year. I have a few Ace friends—and this is a conversation not had enough. Ace folx exist! I also feel like we should have conversations about the experience of Ace and trauma—how sometimes, these are deeply intertwined. 12mo
81 likes2 stack adds1 comment
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kera_11
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This book is great introduction to asexuality, and the way understanding it can shape the world in a beneficial way for everyone. Highlighting the difference in sexual attraction, sexual desire, intimacy, physical attractiveness, and more. Discussing the lack of intentional conversations and expectations in relationships of all kinds, but especially where physical behavior is involved. Absolutely required reading, this book is everything.

Sydneypaige Yay you read it too!! 13mo
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ReadingOver50
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Pickpick

3.5 stars. Informative but a little dry. I wish there was a directory of websites and organizations at the back of the book.

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Sydneypaige
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Required reading! This book not only helps bring awareness and teaches about asexuality, but it also frames the lack of intentional conversation that happens for other sexual identities regarding attraction, intimacy, friendship connection, sexual consent & desire, and romantic partnership. It‘s an incredible read. (Slightly rushed at the end, but otherwise, just really wonderful).

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steph_phanie
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Pickpick

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This book is for everyone. Not only will you learn about the asexual community and what it means to be ace, you will learn how understanding this community and this identity benefits the world at large and can lead to more personal freedom. This book pairs well with 'Against White Feminism,' which I read about a month ago, as well as other writings on identity, disability, feminism, and other social movements. Highly recommend!

TieDyeDude My wife and I are both ace. She's read this, it is still on my TBR... 1y
9 likes1 comment
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MoniqueReads305
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I haven't physically read a nonfiction book in a long time. It so much easier and more engaging to listen to nonfiction via audiobooks so that has become my preferred way to consume nonfiction. But since I'm already in the middle of an audiobook I decided to read ACE on my Kindle.

#nonfictionnovember #nonfiction

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psalva
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This week is Asexual Awareness Week. I debated making a post but I think visibility can be important. As someone who identifies as ace, but still exploring where I fit on the ace spectrum, this book was a comfort to read. But it is also a good place to start if you want to learn more about asexuality. Happy Ace Week!
#asexual #asexuality

Bookwomble 🖤🤍💜 Happy Ace Week 😊 1y
13 likes1 comment
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HeatherBookNerd
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Pickpick

A very helpful and accessible overview of asexuality, especially for people who do not know anything about it. Also lots of interesting observations on the value society places on sex as the ultimate experience and the ways people who do not have sex are presumed less than. My only complaint is that the author was incredibly repetitive, diluting her good points by beating them to death sometimes. But worth a read.

#readharder

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ChaoticMissAdventures
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Pickpick

Fantastic. Such a great introduction to Asexually, and it brought up many questions for me (I am not Ace) and how we look at relationships, romance, and sex.

ChaoticMissAdventures I wish I had read this before 2y
37 likes1 comment
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wideeyedreader
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Pickpick

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I thought this was really informative and interesting!

31 likes1 stack add
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CaseyTheCanadianLesbrarian
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Pickpick

An accessible and thought-provoking book that shares ace perspectives on feminist politics, disability, race, consent, relationships, and more. I thought the mix of Chen's personal story, those of other aces she interviewed, and her more academic writing on the topics worked really well. The observations that hit me the hardest were those about feminist attitudes to sex, consent and sex in relationships, and rape culture. Recommended!

33 likes1 stack add1 comment
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CaseyTheCanadianLesbrarian
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"Aces know that sex is not always the dividing line that determines whether a relationship is romantic...Questions about the definition of romantic love are the starting point for aces to think about love and romance in unexpected ways, from new explicit categories beyond friendship and romance to the opportunities -- legal, social, and more -- of a world where romantic love is not the type of love valued above all others."

#QueerBooks

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CaseyTheCanadianLesbrarian
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"If having sex were merely cool, this would have bothered me little. However, sex had also become feminist, and this I cared about. Through a subtle series of twists, like in a game of telephone, sex for liberal women has become more than a way to enjoy ourselves or even prove that we are desirable. Conspicuous consumption of sex has become a way to perform feminist politics."

?? so much interesting food for thought in this book!

35 likes2 stack adds1 comment
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DMC_run8
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Pickpick

Very informative read both for those who are on the Ace spectrum and for those who aren't. Covers the intersections between being Ace and homo or heterosexual, trans, disabled, BIPOC. Also discusses consent in a way that is beneficial for anyone regardless of identity. 4⭐️

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Nalbuque
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Pickpick

Everyone should read this. It‘s abt so much more than assexuality- it‘s abt knowing and accepting yourself, as well as others. It‘s abt the baseline of “normal” sexuality and how it moves thru time and space. It‘s abt community, relationships, freedom, communication, and again, acceptance. It‘s also very informative, interesting, and easy to digest, so there‘s rly no reason not to dive into it 🤍

wisherwishinguponastar I keep meaning to find a copy of this, but I still have “The Invisible Orientation“ to read. I need to get on that! 2y
13 likes1 comment
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Lindy
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Pickpick

There‘s a lot to think about in this book, which examines Western society through an asexual lens. There‘s the idea that people who don‘t want sex are sick, for example. And that all disabled people are asexual. That “rape is not sex” & “no means no” are binary ways of thinking that require an overhaul. Chen emphasizes developing & normalizing language that lets us talk about emotional intimacy. Fresh perspectives shook me up in a good way. LGBTQ+

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Lindy
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Rejecting one form of social programming makes it easier to start questioning everything else.

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Shievad
Pickpick

After reading the ace romance book Loveless, I wanted to learn more about this sexual orientation and Chen certainly taught me a lot.

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Kazzie
Pickpick

Fascinating examination into sexuality. I really liked it and would recommend it for anyone

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psalva
Pickpick

This was such an affirming book. It discusses the spectrum of issues that aces experience and is a well-rounded introduction for those new to the topic. I am grateful to have found it and would recommend it highly.

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shanaqui
Pickpick

This is really written for allosexuals, but it was interesting for me too for the breadth of different experiences of asexuality that are put there, and avoiding lionising the stereotype of a gold star asexual.

It's always a relief all over again to find other people who just do not know what other people mean by sexual attraction.

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amma-keep-reading
Pickpick

Fascinating new topic for me.

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dariazeoli
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In some ways, the slow increase of ace representation in books feels similar to the increase of vegan options in the world. If you‘d have told me I could have my pick of plant-based meats at the supermarket 12 years ago, I‘d have been skeptical. So I have to believe something similar is coming in book options!

https://www.bustle.com/entertainment/asexual-ace-romance-book-readers

#asexuality #asexual #acesoflitsy

Soubhiville Isn‘t it great! I love that diverse reading is getting easier to find, and I‘m extra glad that younger readers are getting books like these too! 2y
Soubhiville @Eyelit @alysonwrites thought you might be interested per our conversation yesterday 🙂📚. Thanks for sharing @dariazeoli ! 2y
alysonimagines @Soubhiville Thanks for passing this on! It is really encouraging to see a gradual increase in more #ownvoices books repping a greater spectrum of experience, including ace/arospec. 2y
47 likes3 comments
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Bookish_Gal
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Pickpick

I felt seen, I cried, I learned... This is a book written by someone under the ace umbrella sharing stories from other aces under the umbrella. Also with discussing why people are obsessed with sex. It‘s everywhere! But as ace, we don‘t get that. The story of the religious man fighting between his feelings vs what he‘s told he‘s obligated to in marriage hit close. Same with this above quote. Feel educated to talk to my s/o much better now
#lgbtqa

7 likes1 stack add
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Bookish_Gal
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This is a great book about the diverse umbrella term that asexuality really is. What‘s nice about being able to see that is that the author has gone out and spoken to a wide array of people under different terms. It‘s so nice to hear there‘s other people down here. Especially the “no sex till marriage” young man. That one hits close to home. #lgbtqa

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AnneCecilie
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Pickpick

I find that Chen sums up this book best herself when she writes “The goal of ace liberation is simply the goal of true sexual and romantic freedom for everyone. A society that is welcoming to aces can never be compatible with rape culture; with misogyny, racism, ableism, homophobia, and transphobia;”

62 likes1 stack add
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rachelsbrittain
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Pickpick

A brilliant book I think will be eye-opening for both ace and allo (not ace) readers, providing a look at what it means to be ace. The book explores asexuality through many perspectives and experiences, providing narrative examples as well as philosophical and psychological. The challenges aces face give a lot of insight into how the elevation of sex and sexual / romantic relationships above all else in modern society causes problems for everyone.

49 likes1 stack add
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Soubhiville
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Pickpick

I did this one on audio, and the narration was excellent. There‘s a lot to learn and a lot to think about in this book. I‘d recommend it whether you identify as Ace or Aro, or if you‘re just wanting to learn more about these terms and the widely varied spectrum of human sexuality.

Sietje listened with me in the car. She may not have learned as much as I did. 🐶❤️📚

ShelleyBooksie Beautiful pup! 3y
81 likes1 stack add1 comment
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rachelsbrittain
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"The parent who asks one five-year-old boy which classmate he wants as a girlfriend asks another five-year-old ace or gay boy how they can already know their sexuality."

This book has so many gold star quotes!

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rachelsbrittain
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A little lunchtime reading

Tera66 This looks perfect to me! 3y
41 likes1 comment
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Caterina
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SkeletonKey I‘m reading this one right now as well! 3y
40 likes1 comment
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Caterina
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One of my favorite things: sitting incorrectly in a chair, curled up around a good book! ? "Compulsory sexuality" is an important addition to the conversation about sexuality and sex, inspired by Adrienne Rich's "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence." Ace (asexual) discourse has a lot to offer to understanding the full range of human sexuality and desire better!

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Caterina
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Another virtual reading party with my love. 🥰 2 very good books being read! @CounterfeitNickel

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Caterina
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I have today off before my 12 hour overnight on-call shift at the hospital, so I'm taking it easy and resting up! Had a little virtual reading party with @CounterfeitNickel on the porch in which we did more quote-sharing than reading. 🥰

kspenmoll What a great way to share your reading! Hope you got the rest you needed. 3y
Caterina @kspenmoll It was lovely! We're already planning our next virtual reading date. 🥰 Thank you, I did get the rest I needed for last night's work! ❤️ 3y
31 likes1 stack add2 comments
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Christine
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Pickpick

This was a really engaging read that taught me a lot! Much re: asexuality, about which I was pretty uninformed. But I also learned (and stopped to think) a lot more about things like the complexity of consent, the medicalization of desire, and how the primacy of romantic and sexual relationships is normalized. Expanded my vocab with concepts like compulsory sexuality and amatonormativity, too.

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dariazeoli
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My town held its first annual Pride celebration this morning! While I didn‘t go, I was pleased to see such an event here. I couldn‘t help but wonder if any aces were there.

As a heteroromantic ace, I‘ve seen so much gatekeeping regarding whether we‘re part of the queer community. As if 1% of the population identifying as acespec isn‘t minority enough for a place at the table. When ACE came out last year, it was a joy to see a mirror held up! 👇🏻

dariazeoli Representation matters. I‘m in my forties and didn‘t even know asexuality was a thing in my formative years! We need visibility, not erasure. We need support, not “you‘re basically straight so sit down and shut up.” If you‘re ace and identify as queer, don‘t let anyone tell you that‘s not allowed. 3y
dariazeoli Heteroromantic and heterosexual are NOT the same thing. And whether you romantically identify as hetero-, homo-, bi-, pan-, or aromantic, your story is valid. YOU are valid. Happy Pride! 3y
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BookmarkTavern Ace fist bump! 👊🏻 🤍💜🖤 Happy Pride! (edited) 3y
dylanisreading Well said! Happy Pride! 3y
Kelly_the_Bookish_Sidekick My town had their first Pride event yesterday too, but have done a couple flag raisings in the past. While I'm what I've been told is cis-het and I'm still learning, I went in support of my friends and neighbors who identify otherwise. 3y
dariazeoli @Kelly_the_Bookish_Sidekick That‘s awesome! Thanks for supporting your friends! 3y
Eyelit 🖤🤍💜 3y
57 likes8 comments
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TheWordJar
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‪You know how when you‘re reading and highlighting passages, and all of a sudden you realize you basically have the whole book highlighted? That‘s me reading Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen. I‘m learning so much about asexuality, but also about the compulsive and compulsory sexualization of society. Everyone should read this. ‬

33 likes1 stack add