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Asking for It
Asking for It: Slut-shaming, Victim-blaming, and How We Can Change America's Rape Culture | Kate Harding
"If American women couldn't laugh about the way we discuss rape in this culture, half of us would be sobbing constantly, while the other half, one can only assume, would be arming themselves for the revolution. In the last few years, a series of Republican politicians have introduced memorable phrases into the American lexicon that reveal their automatic suspicion of women who report rape: "forcible rape," "honest rape," "legitimate rape," and "emergency rape" are some choice favorites. These qualified terms reveal what a lot of Americans--too many of them in public office--believe down deep: There's rape, and then there's rape-rape. Disturbingly, most of us do support rape, whether in subtle ways ("All women should take self-defense classes!") or blatantly misogynistic ones ("Hot sex with a crazy bitch"). That's how culture works. You're soaking in it. This is the first book since 2008's Yes Means Yes! to tackle the subject of rape culture, and I'm pretty sure it's the first non-academic, single-author book since the 1990s to examine sexual assault as a social phenomenon. Harding explores how rape culture manifests itself via media narratives about sexual assault victims and perpetrators--and how those change, depending on the age, race, sexual orientation, gender identity and fame of both victim and offender. Through that lens, she will take a close look at the three pillars of rape culture--excusing the accused, blaming the victim, and insisting that individual women can and must protect themselves from rape"--
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merelybookish
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Pickpick

The book's big picture is excellent. Harding clearly outlines the rape myths that permeate our society and are woven deeply into our beliefs about sexuality, our justice system and our media. But the book also feels dated. Much has shifted since 2015. In five years, we've had the #metoo movement and a sexual predator elected president. Perhaps that is unavoidable when writing about current affairs but Harding might consider an updated edition.

merelybookish Picture of 35 of Bill Cosby's victims on New York Magazine. 4y
Kalalalatja Glad you liked it, but I get your point about it being dated 4y
74 likes2 comments
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merelybookish
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I joined the book club at my internship site (a crisis center for domestic violence/sexual assault). This is the current pick.
I like the play on the scarlet letter on the cover.

Kalalalatja This is so good! 4y
Cathythoughts I havnt read this one. But our Bookclub read another by the title of Asking For It by Louise O‘Neil (edited) 4y
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Cathythoughts I must look up Kate Harding 👍🏻 4y
merelybookish @Kalalalatja I saw your posts. I don't read a lot of nonfiction so was glad to see how much you like it! 4y
merelybookish @Cathythoughts Looks like it has a similar theme! 4y
Riveted_Reader_Melissa @merelybookish No, another that is languishing on my to read pile sadly. 4y
60 likes9 comments
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ramblingsofareader
Pickpick

This was brilliant. Harding brings in countless examples and studies whilst still using her own voice and keeping the focus on rape culture specifically. It is a very well-researched and thought through book. I love her voice and her use of sarcasm, because, as she says, if we can‘t laugh about some of this we‘ll just cry. This should be required reading for everyone everywhere, as she presents some solutions to the problems highlighted, 5🌟

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ramblingsofareader
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having a lazy Saturday out in the garden, alternating between this and the Sophie Kinsella I have on the go. Complete opposites but enjoying both and definitely needing the breaks from the difficult subject of Asking for It.

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ramblingsofareader
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The weather here has been all over the place today so it‘s been a sit inside and do some dissertation research kind of day📑📚

Has anyone read this and do you recommend it?
(or if you have any [non-fiction] recommendations for any books on this kind of topic I‘m all ears!)

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Kalalalatja
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#7days7books Day 4

I‘m cheating a bit and going with two books today, because it was the combination of the two, that made them so important for me. Both of these deal with rape victims and the victim blaming they experience, which became the subject of my Master‘s thesis at uni, and which made me want to help rape victims even more. As I do now in my job as a psychologist at a rape crisis center

BarbaraBB Did you want to work in this field before you read them? 4y
Kalalalatja @BarbaraBB I knew I wanted to work with trauma and PTSD, but these books made me realise it was the trauma of rape and sexual abuse I wanted to work with 4y
BarbaraBB So these books have been really life changing for you. So special! 4y
Kalalalatja @BarbaraBB definitely! It is crazy what books can do! 4y
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Kalalalatja
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BarbaraTheBibliophage Great choice! 6y
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Kalalalatja
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Congratulations on your milestone @StillLookingForCarmenSanDiego 👏👏 and what a great giveaway!

My fave girl power/feminist book might be this, which looks at rape culture in America. It is an infuriating read, but it motivated me to do more, to do something! 💪

#GirlPowerGiveaway

StillLookingForCarmenSanDiego Sounds like a good book club read. Good Luck ♀️✊ 6y
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Kathrin
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Pickpick

As difficult as the topic is, I think it's a very interesting read and really challenges the reader to check their own bias.

I thought the author made the issue fairly easily accessible with a good mix between research and real life examples.

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Kathrin
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Her use of granfallon to explain Gamer Gate is seriously a revelation. Not just for Gamer Gate, but for Rape Culture in general.

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LibrarianRenee
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Not the most uplifting topic, but an important one nonetheless. A must read - or listen.

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BarbaraTheBibliophage
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Pickpick

The epigraph Harding chose for the book is a perfect summary and introduction. “From time immemorial the rule has been not to punish the male offender, but to get the victim out of his way. Susan B. Anthony, 1896” Here we are 122 years later, still dealing with the same b.s. And there lies the premise of Kate Harding‘s book. Harding clearly did her research, but she also has a stake in the story. We all do.

Full review at www.TheBibliophage.com

Kalalalatja It is so freaking good! 6y
BarbaraTheBibliophage @Kalalalatja I think so too. What do you think of the picture I did? I sweat over making a good representation of the book, and found this one especially hard. 6y
Kalalalatja I can imagine! But I like it - it shows women need to be strong, because society sure isn‘t going to stick up for them much 💪💪 6y
BarbaraTheBibliophage @Kalalalatja Oh thank you! That‘s pretty much exactly what I was going for. ❤️ 6y
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BarbaraTheBibliophage
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Next up on audio. I‘m not far along and it‘s already so intense!

It also seems like the perfect follow up to my last (Delusions of Gender) listen. Review on that one coming up shortly.

Jess7 This on my TBR! 🤗 6y
BarbaraTheBibliophage @Jess7 I‘ve had it for ages. And I promise to let you know what I think! 😘 6y
Kalalalatja This was my favourite nonfiction book last year 👏 6y
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Kalalalatja
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#DearMrPresident, you might not know this, but there is this thing called consent and respect for women. If you want to learn more about it, and just learn about how messed up some parts of your system is, I would suggest you read this 👍

#FierceFeb

Cinfhen 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💕 6y
ephemeralwaltz ⭐❤✊✊ 6y
batsy YES 👊 6y
erzascarletbookgasm Nicely done! Love it! 👏 6y
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LeshaMac
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Pickpick

This was a really good and much needed during this time with all the sexual accusations going on and the victim shaming. - feminist classic @Cinfhen
#Booked2018

Cinfhen I've heard such good things about this book...powerful read. Congrats on completing another prompt❣️ tagging the other cohosts @4thhouseontheleft @BarbaraTheBibliophage 6y
LeshaMac @Cinfhen it's a very powerful read. Thank you! 6y
BarbaraTheBibliophage Ooh, you‘re right. This would be a perfect read for the moment. I have it on my shelf and will move it up my TBR! 6y
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Kalalalatja
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The worst kind of #Battlebetweenthesexes - rape culture, rape myths and victim blaming.

#SpookyOctober

Cinfhen 💔😥 7y
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ClairesReads
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Pickpick

A super important book about rape culture and the way we allow it to persist in modern society. Harding writes well and is exceptionally researched. My only criticism is that at times her chapters seemed somewhat scattered structurally. This should be required reading for all.

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ClairesReads
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Who knew? Ducks eh? 🦆

Caroline2 😲 go lady ducks!! 🦆👏🏻 7y
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ClairesReads
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Hoping this is better than my last read

Lindy I enjoyed this. Hope you do too. 🍀 7y
ClairesReads @Lindy thanks Lindy! 7y
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DebinHawaii
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Pickpick

Catching up onJune reviews-I actually finished the library e-book a couple of weeks ago.😬This is a small dose book-meaning I found myself best able to read it in small bursts because the subject matter is so difficult & upsetting. Still, mixed in with all of frustrating, heartbreaking, & anger-inducing stories & facts are hope, awareness, proactive steps & people who are doing something about our pervasive rape culture. A good & necessary read.👍

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Cmarincola
Mehso-so

Its an easy reading, would recommend for young people/ teens - Brings up an interesting topic

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DebinHawaii
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Not a lighthearted book for a Friday morning but my library e-book hold is due back in a of couple days so I am knocking out a few chapters over breakfast before tackling some work. So far, it's powerful and good, although difficult to read. Breakfast is an Acai bowl & cold brew coffee for a warm Aloha Friday morning. 🌺

Bookchipmunk Three week count down to the islands! 🌺🌴💕 7y
MyNamesParadise That looks delicious and he's a very difficult read. I listened to the audiobook and then I listened to more than half of Missoula. That one is even harder to get through! 7y
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Kalalalatja
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I know I post about this a lot, but it is just so good! It might seem bleak but at the same time the book tells you to #dontstopbelieving in something different, something better. I don't read a lot of non-fiction, but this is without a doubt my favourite 🙌

#RockinMay #5555giveaway

Megabooks I need to read this. It's on my TBR! 7y
Kalalalatja @Booksandcooks it is so good! Really thought provoking! 7y
MyNamesParadise This book woke my ass up so to speak. It angers me how so many people think its ok to start raping someone when they're unconscious. And how both men and women afterwards are like "you must've wanted it" to the victim ??? 7y
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Kalalalatja @MyNamesParadise I know exactly how you feel! I was so mad while reading, because I couldn't believe that we live in a world where some people think that is okay. 😡😡 7y
Cinfhen Really want to read this, even though I know it's gonna piss me off 😤 7y
Kalalalatja @Cinfhen I learned so much by it! It is definitely worth the rage 😠 7y
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Hooked_on_books
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Pickpick

An outstanding gut punch of truth about rape in our society, this book will make you angry in a good way. Please read this, then buy copies for all the young people in your life, particularly the men. As Harding emphasizes, until we teach men not to rape, it will continue to happen far too much.

ramyasbookshelf This needs to be compulsory reading for all boys. 7y
Hooked_on_books @ramyasbookshelf Agreed! She makes a point of discussing the time when education about rape and respecting others sexually is most effective is junior high. Let's get this book out to those boys! 7y
WordWaller This book is awesome but also made me sooooo angry 7y
Hooked_on_books @WordWaller Oh yeah, throw across the room angry for sure! 7y
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MyNamesParadise
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Pickpick

Ok, it may be weird to have a "love" sticker on a book about rape. However, I LOVED this book because I learned so much & saw how previous beliefs I had were horrifically wrong (my mom whom I love very much is guilty of perpetuating rape myths- obvious product of rape culture). EVERYONE NEEDS 2 READ THIS BOOK!!!! Should be required reading in high school & college! Teach men NOT TO RAPE as opposed teaching women how not to be raped. #BlameLitsy

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MyNamesParadise

Disc 6: wow I guess I never realized how the male detectives on Law & Order:SVU perpetuate rape culture. It's been a long time since I've watched it, but wow Olivia shouldn't have been the only voice of reason! EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ/LISTEN TO THIS BOOK!!!!

TrishB It's on my tbr! 7y
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MyNamesParadise

Disc 5: it wasn't until 1993 (in MY lifetime folks- I was 1!) that marital rape was illegal in all 50 states. I already hated Bill O'Reilly, but him suggesting Sean Hornbeck enjoyed being held captive by a pedophile?! Eat shit & choke & die O'Reilly! Asking victims why they didn't try to flee is indeed victim blaming. Reproduction abuse is real w/domestic partners. Both genders should be called out on their abuses. Every1 needs 2 know RAPE IS RAPE

ReadingEnvy I'm reading Missoula right now and it is so angering. And in the news, Russia just revoked their equivalent to the Violence Against Women act, so I am deeply concerned we will start undoing similar legislation. 7y
MyNamesParadise @ReadingEnvy I remember reading that in the news!! I also saw in the Frontline documentary Putin's Way that the average Russian is poorer than the average Indian. Russians as a whole aren't doing too well. :/ despite the image Putin puts forward 7y
29 likes2 comments
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MyNamesParadise

From Disc 5: 30,000 pregnancies result each year in the US bc of a rape. Some old men in positions of power in this country are fucking disgusting w: their distinction between kinds of rape, "legitimate, absolute" etc aka misogynistic BS. Getting wet during a rape is an evolutionary factor bc if the vagina is dry u could die from potential infections from the damage and wounds. The "crime has consequences" speech on part of the writer was comical

That-Bookish-Hiker I want to read this but I get so angry when it comes to this subject. 7y
MyNamesParadise @That-Bookish-Hiker I have gotten really angry a lot of times. It's shocking how so many people don't understand women are human beings with rights and that our bodies do not have anti rape shields. I'm listening to the audiobook. I'm not sure if that would be better or worse for you. 7y
Craftylikefox There is this book and Missoula and I want to read them but then I feel like I couldn't talk to anyone for awhile because it would make me so angry and sad and disappointed in people. 😔 7y
30 likes3 comments
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MyNamesParadise

On Disc 4: I need to write this down before I forget: Consent cannot be pre-arranged like in the case of partners waking each other with sexual acts. You need consent EVERY time. Consent cannot be applied retroactively.

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SuperPunkNinja
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Pickpick

This book makes me want to smash some patriarchy! Of course, I always want to do that. ✊✊✊

Kat_Reads I'm currently reading this and it's definitely making me want to take action! 7y
Bibliogeekery ✊✊✊ 7y
rachellayown 👊🏽👊🏿👊🏾👊🏼 7y
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MyNamesParadise

Pt 3 of Reaction to Disc 2: 5) Even more pressure is put on women to prevent rape not just of themselves but their friends as well & to enact "the buddy system". Men aren't taught to use "the buddy system" to prevent from getting mugged are they? 6) 2-8% of rape charges are "false". Why no exact percentage? Bc the cops can claim it as false bc they don't believe the victim & same for a prosecutor. Evidence be damned. All the WOMAN's credibility.

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MyNamesParadise

Pt 2 reaction to Disc 2: 3) 98% of rapists are men which means rape is not a woman's issue- it's EVERYONES ISSUE!!! So yes that means 2% of rapists are women & those victims are even marginalized further. 4) a 13 yr old boy being anally raped w/ a pencil by several older male teens leads the VICTIM's father to getting a lower paying job out of town bc of the harshness directed towards the VICTIM & HIS FAMILY. Apparentlythe problem was the boy told

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MyNamesParadise

so much to process on disc 2 of the audiobook Pt 1: 1) It's not cool for a guy to point out to his friends that multiple guys penetrating & urinating on an unconscious girl is RAPE- wtf!?!?!? It angers me so much that teaching boys not to rape is something that has to be taught but as also taught on the disk, 2) boys grow up in the same culture & hear about the differences between good girls & sluts, provocative clothing, men needing to be men...

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MyNamesParadise

Whoa- listening to the audiobook in my car and one psychologist made aware to a group of sorority girls that the mentality of "going in a group to a party and leaving no one behind" was the mentality of soldiers going into battle.

This is what men don't understand. Women are TRAINED to believe they're going into battle every time they step out of the house. Or for some women it's in their own homes.

Notafraidofwords You just blew my mind. 7y
CocoReads I had never thought of it like that. 7y
Pinkmeghan Oh my god. This. It's so heartbreaking because it's true. 7y
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Kalalalatja I was blown away when I read the book! 7y
MyNamesParadise @Notafraidofwords @CocoReads I'm glad to spread awareness bc it was a shock to me too! The naysayers out there need to be made aware of this as well! 7y
MyNamesParadise @Kalalalatja I've found I can listen to nonfiction- whether it be celebrity memoirs or well general nonfiction- when I drive. I can only listen to fiction books when I'm doing mindless tasks like folding laundry & eating alone. Driving & Litsying isn't a good idea so I do my best to memorize statistics & emotional stories that really struck me. To regularly read a nonfiction book would take me FOREVER & id never finish it 7y
Kalalalatja I can't even listen to a fiction book 😄 I had to pace myself, otherwise I would have flown through it. But I wanted to take my time and really understand it, and that just works better in physical books for me 😊 7y
melbeautyandbooks This is so true. I travel for work a lot. The first thing I do when I get to my hotel room is lock the door. I was on vacation with my husband, and I noticed he never locks the door. I mentioned this to him. He said- Wow how differently women have to live every day. Sad and true. 7y
MyNamesParadise @melbeautyandbooks oh yeah lock the door and deadbolt! My dad taught me to be paranoid. The first thing I do when I get in the car is lock the doors. If I'm in friends cars I'm amazed they don't do it right away so I lock their cars. 7y
melbeautyandbooks @MyNamesParadise- Yes! I do the same thing when I get in my car. 7y
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kaykay521
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Pickpick

I couldn't recommend this book enough, both to men and women. Please read it to get informed about what rape culture actually is and how to combat it.

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cariashley
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Pickpick

Excellent cultural study, and when I finished it I didn't feel nearly as hopeless as when I read Missoula. Harding strikes the right balance between exasperation/emotion and facts/solutions. I especially liked the section on rape culture and comedy, which I made my husband listen to and debate with me. Harding is a great follow on twitter and I just saw she works at my alma mater in the women's resource center there, which is awesome.

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Kalalalatja
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My #bestofJanuary books. I still talk about Asking for It to everyone who will listen. I loved the last two books in the Liveship Traders trilogy (read the first a couple of months ago), and I can't wait to read more of Robin Hobb's books. I am currently the reading the third book in the Daughter of Smoke and Bone series, and I have completely fallen in love with Laini Taylor's writing style, and I need more of it in my life ❤

#readJanuary

Eyelit Asking for it was well written and so accessible! I've tried recommending it to others but they hear rape culture and just say maybe later. Sigh. I have the Hobb books on my list to read this year 😃 7y
sammisho I listened to the Daughter of Smoke and Bone Trilogy. Its such a great series. And Robin Hobb has been on my list for a long time. I need to get to her! 7y
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kaykay521
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This book seems appropriate in light of recent events.

Smangela Just got this on the 2-for-1 audible sale! Thanks for sharing 7y
TrishB Just got for 99p in charity shop! 7y
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catieohjoy
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I'm 2/3 through this, and holy shit. I personally already know most of what Harding is writing about, but DAMN this book is galvanizing! She is a brilliant and unexpectedly funny writer. Whether you already understand "rape culture" or the term makes you roll your eyes, this is an essential read. I've had the physical book since it was released, but never got around to it—so glad to be listening now! [TW for intense discussion of rape.]

catieohjoy BONUS: Erin Bennett, the audiobook narrator, sounds a bit like Tracy Grandstaff, the voice actress who played Daria Morgendorffer. And she has excellent, Daria-esque deadpan delivery that works so well for this book. 7y
Alisnazzy I've been recommending it to everyone on every social media I have. 7y
catiewithac This is on my TBR pile 7y
Kalalalatja This book gave me all the feels! 7y
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Alisnazzy
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Pickpick

A. Must. Read. It took a while because I had to take breaks, otherwise I was going to break things. I can't emphasize enough how important this book is. Enough is enough. 5🌟 (pic from earlier today because being in a nicer place diffuses the stress caused by this book)

CouronneDhiver That's a beautiful view! Adding this to my TBR stack but not sure whether I'll get through it in any hurry... pretty tough subject matter. 7y
TrishB Just brought this yesterday for 1p 😀 It is probably my daughter and I's read together next month. 7y
MyNamesParadise I checked out the audiobook from the library 7y
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catieohjoy
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My 2 for 1 sale choices! Both terribly relevant at the moment, I think. I'm particularly interested in Eichmann in Jerusalem, the revised and expanded version of Hannah Arendt's controversial New Yorker reporting on Adolf Eichmann's trial. I somehow managed to graduate from The New School, which took in Arendt and other scholars fleeing fascism during & after WWII (the University in Exile), without reading any of her work. Time to remedy that!

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cariashley
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I do not recommend listening to this audiobook while in line at Petco buying new cat food bowls. 😡😡😡 (I do recommend listening to it at other times)

TheBookAddict I want to read it, but I know I'll be fuming 😤. Next thing you know we'll all be told to be clothed from head to toe so we don't get raped, looked at, or be told that we're gonna be grabbed by the pussy (pardon the language). We can't complain about something serious , but they can complain about the most unimportant thing. (Sorry for the rant 😔.) (edited) 7y
saresmoore Hahaha! I know this is a very serious subject, but I'm picturing the look on the cashier's face when you made it to the register with smoke coming out of your earbuds! 7y
Alisnazzy I'm reading it currently and I slammed my fist on the table at the coffee shop and got some very interesting looks while I sat there with my nostrils fuming. 7y
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cariashley @TheBookAddict you will fume for sure, but Harding is refreshingly action focused which definitely helps. I feel better reading this than I did while reading Missoula. 7y
cariashley @saresmoore haha seriously when he told me I had to use the chip card reader I almost lunged at him with misplaced fury 😤 7y
cariashley @Ambrosnazzy I get it. It's hard not to scream can you believe this shit?!? to everyone around you while reading this kind of thing in public!! 7y
BookishFeminist LOL. I've done this before with an anger-inducing book. I have to listen to them while crafting or cleaning. 7y
saresmoore @BookishFeminist That's a great strategy! 7y
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Kalalalatja
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I am a little bit behind on the #readJanuary post, but I plan on catching up the next couple of days. Today is all about a #topiciwouldliketolearnmoreabout - rape culture and victim blaming. And luckily this great book has three pages of suggested reading ready to dive into 👍

Joybishoptx Have you read Missoula? This and that book are high on my list 7y
cariashley I just started this on audio tonight! Ready to channel my rage. 7y
Kalalalatja @Joybishoptx not yet, but after reading this I have been thinking more and more about picking it up 👍 7y
Kalalalatja @cariashley I bet it is great on audio! 7y
51 likes4 comments
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Kalalalatja
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Pickpick

This book was like a punch to the gut. It made me breathless, speechless and angry. On top of that it is well written, funny in places, sarcastic and inspiring. I kinda want to read it again already! 👌

#LitsyAtoZ #LetterH #MDDreadingchallenge #LitsyReadingChallenge #LRC22

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Kalalalatja
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My neck is hurting from nodding so much. 👏👏👏 #currentlyreading

#LitsyAtoZ #LetterH #MDDreadingchallenge #LitsyReadingChallenge #LRC22

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Kalalalatja
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The little ball of anger in my stomach is growing, so I am trying to calm it down with brownies. 🔥 #currentlyreading

#LitsyAtoZ #LetterH #MDDreadingchallenge #LitsyReadingChallenge #LRC22

suvata Excellent plan. 7y
Nebklvr Brownies, cheesecake, ice cream....you might want to stock up. You will need it for this one 7y
Cinfhen Like your thinking 😊 7y
Kalalalatja @suvata @Nebklvr @Cinfhen I have made a big batch of brownies, so hopefully they will get me through 🤞 7y
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Kalalalatja
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Moray_Reads ✊👏 7y
MyNamesParadise I just picked this book up on audiobook from my library! Eager to listen to it! 7y
Kalalalatja @MyNamesParadise I think it might be good on audio. The author has a great "voice", which could be amazing to listen to ? 7y
53 likes3 comments
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Alisnazzy
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Hubby snapped this while people were still boarding. Get seated, get reading! (This was from last night and I'm happy to be back home with my books and my own bed). Good riddance 2016. See you on the other side.

Donna_sBookMinute What are you listening to? 7y
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Kalalalatja
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Some of my #laststackedbooks. I still need to update my to-read-list with all the new books I got for Christmas 📚

#seasonsreadings

WanderingBookaneer Lover's Dictionary❤ 7y
Reviewsbylola Middlesex. ❤❤❤ 7y
RealLifeReading Sorcerer to the Crown! Yay! 7y
55 likes3 comments
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Alisnazzy
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So Hubby has taken over parenting duties tonight for Little man battling his ear infection and I've walked out to get some #booksandbrews time in and I ordered nachos. This is big enough for an army. I already regret this...in the best way. #ReadAndEat

Reviewsbylola Yum!!! 😍 7y
britt_brooke Awesome husband! Enjoy, looks pretty tasty! 7y
Texreader Mmmmmm 7y
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MicheleinPhilly Um, yes please! 7y
Alfoster No regrets😀😀! 7y
Readingrobin Good for you! Have fun ❤️️ 7y
Ruri_kaichou My youngest also has an ear infection (double) and they are no fun for anyone. Hope he has a speedy recovery. And good on you to take a break. 7y
LauraBeth Your cat is at home and like, "she better not be eating nachos and drinking beer without me!" ? 7y
Mimi28 Looks like a whole lot of heartburn that I wouldn't regret! Great hubby and you deserve it! ❤️ 7y
Sraexx JEALOUS. 7y
LauraJ Glad you're getting a little time to recharge. 7y
Dragon Love nachos 👍 7y
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