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It's My F---ing Birthday
It's My F---ing Birthday: A Novel | Merrill Markoe
15 posts | 3 read
In the coming year, she said, hoisting her blindingly clean and gleaming glass into the air, may half of all your dreams come true. Mom, I said to her, isnt that kind of pathetic? Well, its realistic. Its her thirty-sixth birthday, and she really thought things would be different this yearthat shed have figured out men and how to get along with her narcissistic parents enough to survive a birthday celebration. But nothings changed. Her disappointing day is capped off by the delivery of a huge bouquet of flowers from Carl, with whom she has recently, and bitterly, split. A gesture of reconciliation? Of passive aggression? Shes too unhinged to tell. Its My F---ing Birthday unfolds in seven state-of-my-life addresses this hapless high school art teacher writes to herself on consecutive birthdays, as she is determined to break the patterns of behavior that are keeping her down. Her objective: to avoid making the same mistakes over and over and start making some new ones. Through seven outrageously funny years of needling parents, self-absorbed boyfriends, riots, O.J., and Monicaand bigger and bigger bouquets from Carlshe navigates a circuitous (and ultimately successful) route to happiness in a world where everything seems to conspire to the contrary. What I Learned This Year That I Need to Remember 1. No more taking the bait from Mom. Even if the fight becomes about not taking the bait. 2. No more dwelling in the past. 3. Try much harder to continue being a vegetarian. This will limit the restaurants the folks can take me to. 4. No more trying to decode the flowers from Carl. If he sends them again, just think of them as a fun, free thing, like a little sample box of cereal or detergent that suddenly appears in the mailbox. 5. Dont make a big deal out of the fact that there were no guys this year. Perhaps thats a better thing than continuing to get involved with guys who exhibit behavior from the beginning that indicates the whole thing is completely hopeless. So try to remember the above as a coping strategy when I am so crazed with horniness that I want to throw myself off a building. 6. No more mumbo jumbo. This means no more calling 900 astrology numbers listed at the end of horoscopes in womens magazines to find out my love forecast. And no more going to psychics, no matter how dicey things get. From the Hardcover edition.
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kaysworld1
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This month we have a few birthdays in the #jbuk group, so happy birthday to @youneverarrived @Itchyfeetreader and @rockpools you all have card's on their way 😘 🎂

#jbuk #readingbuddies #lifteachotherup #happybirthday #love #litsyfamily #litsyfriends

tpixie Happy Birthday to all! 🎈 3y
youneverarrived Thank you lovely 😘 3y
rockpools Aw, thank you Kay 🌷 3y
31 likes3 comments
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TheKidUpstairs
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Thank you everyone for your beautiful birthday wishes. They have kept me smiling all day!

Beatlefan129 Happy Birthday 🎂🎈 4y
CocoReads Happy Birthday! 4y
quietjenn Happy birthday!🎉 4y
See All 6 Comments
MsMelissa Happy Birthday 🎂🎉 The Russian Caravan tea finally arrived today so I‘ll be getting it out to you (with The Jane Austen Society) really soon. It can be a belated bday gift 🎁 4y
youneverarrived Happy Birthday 🥳 4y
silentrequiem Happy birthday! 🎂 4y
69 likes6 comments
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kaysworld1
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Happy birthday to me!
32 year's old.
One year older but none the wiser, I'm still a lover, a fighter, hard worker, loyal friend, I trust too easy and I love everything my own way 🥰

#itsmybirthday #happybirthday #imold 😆

Bookwormjillk Happy birthday 🎈🎁🎊🎉🎂 5y
AnneCecilie Happy birthday 🎉🎁📚🎂 5y
Cathythoughts Happy Birthday Kay 🥳😘 5y
See All 22 Comments
Emilymdxn Happy birthday 🥳 have a wonderful day 5y
TrishB Happy birthday Kay, have a wonderful day 🎉🎉♥️ 5y
Librarybelle Happy Birthday! 5y
jenniferw88 Happy birthday! 5y
julesG Happy Birthday Kay! 🎉🎂🎁🎈🎊 5y
Amiable Happy birthday! 5y
Lauram Happy Birthday! 🎂 5y
Sace Happy Birthday! 🎁🍰 5y
Charityann Happy Birthday!🎉 5y
DaveGreen7777 Happy Birthday! 🥳🎂🎁🎈🎉 5y
Deifio Happy birthday! 🎉🎁🎂Hope you read a nice book today! 😉 5y
ShyBookOwl 🎂🎁🍾 5y
youneverarrived I love this. Happy Birthday Kay. Have a great day 🍷🧁😘 5y
JessClark78 Happy Birthday! 🎊🎂🎉 5y
xicanti Happy birthday! 5y
quietlycuriouskate Happy birthday, Kay! 🎂🎈📚 5y
readordierachel Happy birthday! 🎉 5y
Eggs Happy Birthday 🥳🎈 5y
NeedsMoreBooks Happy birthday! 🎂 5y
37 likes22 comments
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SW-T
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📚 It‘s My F‘ing Birthday, Merrill Markoe
🎥 Pieces of April
🎶 Celebrate (Kool & The Gang)

#ManicMonday @JoScho

JoScho 💗🥳💗🥳💗 5y
13 likes1 comment
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AmberWB
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@kaye That meme is for you. 😘 My cake is currently in the oven!

You all have truly spoiled me on my birthday!! I can‘t believe the number of cards and Bday wishes I‘ve gotten, not to mention the surprise packages!! @dariazeoli Thank you so much for my new Kindle read, and @CBee thank you for my Amazon gift card!! This has been a great birthday and wonderful start to 45, thanks to all of you!! 🥰😘🥰😘

CBee Happy birthday ♥️♥️♥️ 5y
Lovesbooks87 Happy Birthday! 🎉🎈🎂🎉🎈🎂 5y
megnews Happy birthday!!🎉🎂🎁🎈 5y
See All 10 Comments
Kaye Funny ! Enjoy that cake. I bet it smells good! Eat an extra slab for me. 🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂 5y
Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks Happy Birthday 🎈🎉🎁🎊🎂 5y
hermyknee Happy Happy Birthday!!! 🎂🎁🎊 5y
britt_brooke Happy birthday! 5y
Soubhiville Happy Birthday! I want cake too... I hope it‘s been a great day. 🎉 5y
JacqMac Happy Birthday! 🎉🌸🎉 5y
dariazeoli Hope you had a great day! 🎈 5y
53 likes10 comments
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bibliobliss
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• January 7th...born on a Wednesday 32 years ago so it's also my mother's birthing day. Reasons to be happy today?

1️⃣ It's a beautiful snow day already
2️⃣ I have a designated reading day ahead of me
3️⃣ The pups aren't being assholes atm (😆)
4️⃣ I am enjoying coffee (in moderation) bc I recently took a little test and got a positive result 😉
5️⃣ Making dinner with hon after work and I think it's my choice!

What's your happiness today? •

Lovesbooks87 Happy Birthday! 🎉🎈🎂🎉🎈🎂 5y
bibliobliss @Lovesbooks87 Thank you 😉 5y
JoScho Happy Birthday 🥳💜🥳 5y
See All 38 Comments
Tanisha_A Happy, happy birthday! 🍰🎁🎂🎈🎉🕯️🥳🧁 5y
ChasingOm Happy birthday and congratulations!!! 5y
bibliobliss @JoScho Thanks!! 🙂 5y
bibliobliss @Tanisha_A Thanks 😊 5y
Librarybelle Happy Birthday! 5y
bibliobliss @ChasingOm Thank you so much!! 😉 5y
bibliobliss @Librarybelle Thank you 😁 5y
Amanda23 Happy Birthday! 5y
bibliobliss @Amanda23 Thanks 😊 5y
Simona Happy birthday 🍾🥂😘 5y
bibliobliss @Simona Thank you 😊😘 5y
CouronneDhiver Sounds like both Congrats and Happy Birthday wishes are in order 🥳 5y
madamereadsalot1 Happy birthday! 5y
MaGoose Happy birthday and congratulations! 🙂👍👏 5y
bibliobliss @CouronneDhiver Thank you much 😘 5y
bibliobliss @madamereadsalot1 Thank you 🙂 5y
bibliobliss @MaGoose Thank you 😁 5y
WorldsOkayestStepMom Happy birthday and congratulations! 💖 5y
dariazeoli Happy Birthday and congratulations 🎈🍾🎉🎊 5y
ephemeralwaltz Happy birthday!!! 5y
MicheleinPhilly Happy Birthday and Congratulations! 5y
Eggs Happy Birthday 🎁🎉🎈 and congratulations 🎉🍾🎈 5y
bibliobliss @dariazeoli Thank you 😊 5y
bibliobliss @MicheleinPhilly Thank you 😃 5y
bibliobliss @Eggs Thank you 😉 5y
Sleepswithbooks Happy Birthday 🥳 The pups 🐶😂 So many reasons this is your best year yet!!!! Sending you a Litsy Hug 🤗 5y
LeahBergen Happy Birthday!! 5y
GripLitGrl Happy birthday🎂🎈🎉📚 5y
bibliobliss @Stacypatrice Thank you, I'm trying 😊 5y
bibliobliss @LeahBergen 😊 thank you 5y
bibliobliss @GripLitGrl Thank you 😉 5y
Elma Happy Birthday!! 5y
bibliobliss @Elma Thank you 😉 5y
52 likes38 comments
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bibliobliss
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• today, on my 31st birthday, my fiancé sent to me! turning another year older isn‘t a drag when you‘ve got someone to lift you up! sorry ? not sorry this is not book related! •

GrilledCheeseSamurai HAAAAAAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🙌🎈🎈🎈 6y
bibliobliss @GrilledCheeseSamurai Thank you VERRRRY much! 😊 6y
Kalalalatja Happy birthday! 🎉🎉 6y
See All 28 Comments
Bookzombie Happy Birthday!! 6y
bibliobliss @Kalalalatja Thank you 😊 6y
bibliobliss @Bookzombie Thanks 😊 6y
LeahBergen Happy Birthday! 📚🎉📚🎉 6y
TrishB Happy birthday 🎉🎉🍰 6y
bibliobliss @LeahBergen Thank you 😊 6y
bibliobliss @TrishB Thanks 😊 6y
Librarybelle Happy Birthday! 6y
tpixie Happy birthday 🎈🎉🎁🎂 6y
julesG Happy Birthday! 🎂 6y
dariazeoli Happy Birthday 🎈🎂🎊🎉🎁 6y
Dulcinella Happy birthday! 👑💐💐 6y
Pamwurtzler Happy birthday ! 6y
RadicalReader @Readage how long have you and your fiancé been together? How did he propose to you? 6y
LauraBrook Happy birthday! 6y
bibliobliss @Librarybelle Thanks 😊 6y
bibliobliss @tpixie Thank you 😊 6y
bibliobliss @julesG Thanks 😊 6y
bibliobliss @dariazeoli Thanks 😊 6y
bibliobliss @Dulcinella Thank you 😊 6y
bibliobliss @Pamwurtzler Thanks 😊 6y
bibliobliss @RadicalReader We‘ve known each other almost 11 years now...we have officially been back together since June 2014...we mutually proposed to each other in May 2015! Lol It‘s bout time for that marriage! 6y
bibliobliss @LauraBrook Thanks 😊 6y
bibliobliss THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SWEET BDAY WISHES!!! Book friends reign supreme 📚😉 6y
RadicalReader @Readage congratulations on your engagement. If you don‘t mind me asking how did you two mutually propose to each other? What‘s your ring look like? 6y
34 likes28 comments
review
Librosycafe
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Panpan

I didn't like the strained relationship between the characters. It seemed as though the reader was stuck in some rut along with the main character.

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Lizpixie
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Proceed minions! I shall be grading by authenticity.👸🏻🎂🍾🥂🎉🎁

Dragon Happy birthday 🎉🎂💐 7y
drbethandherkindle Happy birthday!! 7y
JessClark78 Happy Birthday!!! Hope your day is awesome! 🎊🎂🎉🌸 7y
See All 34 Comments
Lynnsoprano Wishing you a very happy birthday birthday from one charter member of the #phrynefanclub to another!👏👏🎉❤ (edited) 7y
josie281 You are a Litsy heroine! Enjoy your day and bask in your page-slaying abilities! 7y
Sace 😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 Happy birthday! This is the best post ever! 7y
Karkar Happy birthday 🎊🎈🎁🎂🎉 7y
Laura317 You absolutely crack me up!! 😂😂🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣. I hope your birthday has been fantabulistic!! You ARE awesome!! And I dare anyone to dispute that! 7y
Alfoster Yay you!👏👏👏👊👊😍😍📚📚📚! 7y
JacqMac 😂Happiest of Birthdays 🎉 7y
ElizaTodd Happy happy birthday!!! 7y
Blaire Happy birthday!!! 🎁🎉🎈🎂 7y
CherylDeFranceschi You. Are. SO awesome. Happy Birthday! 🎉🎂🎉🍾 7y
TheLibrarian Happy Birthday! 7y
AndreaReads Happy birthday! 🎉🎉 May I steal this for my birthday? 😉 7y
LeahBergen Happy Birthday!! 📚📚📚 7y
CouronneDhiver Hahaha! 🍻 Hope it's a great one 7y
MamaGina Your modesty is incredible!Lol Happy Birthday 🎈 7y
moranadatter Happy Birthday! 🎂 Modesty is overrated especially for women who love witch lit. 7y
Leelee08 Happy Birthday!!😊😊 7y
Texreader Yay happy day!!! 🎂🌟🎉🎊🎈🎂🎉🎈💥🎉 7y
Hooked_on_books Happy Birthday! I hope you get lots of time to read while eating cake today. 7y
SoniaC Happy Birthday. 7y
TrishB Have a good one 🎁🎂🎉 7y
Kalalalatja Happy Birthday 😂👏🎉 7y
LeeRHarry Happy birthday !!! enjoy!' 🎉🎉🎉 7y
ValerieAndBooks Happy birthday to an awesome Litsyian!! 📚🎂📚 7y
Lizpixie @Dragon thank you lovely 😊 @drbethandherkindle thanks!🎉 @JessClark78 Thankyou! Anyway I'm alive and reading is an awesome day🌞 @Lynnsoprano we should have our own business cards made up, #PhryneFanaticsRUs😊 @josie281 Thankyou from one Lady Litten to another🗡🛡 @Sace Why thank you, you should enter my birthday comp too🎂 @Karkar thank you🙌😘 7y
Lizpixie @Laura317 No,YOU are awesome! Fabulousness is meant to be shared.🥂🍾 @Alfoster Yay yourself! ❤️❤️ @JacqMac it has been, my cheeky monkey grandson was here being naughty🐒 @ElizaTodd thank you!🍰🍸 @Blaire much appreciated lovely 😊 @CherylDeFranceschi *preens* I know😌Without you guys, I'd be lonely in my awesomeness. @TheLibrarian Thankyou!🎈 @AndreaReads thank you, you most certainly can!👍 @LeahBergen thanks🎉🎈🎂 (edited) 7y
Lizpixie @CouronneDhiver thanks, I hope I put a smile on everyone's face😊 @MamaGina I'm the most immodest, no scratch that, the most modest person I know!😎 @kmdartist you mean there are people that don't like witch lit? *gasp* 😲 @Leelee08 thank you!🎁 @Texreader it definitely has been! 🎉🎂🎁🥂🍾 @Hooked_on_books thank you! My MIL made my favourite Vanilla Sponge with strawberry jam & fresh whipped cream in the middle, plus some more butterfly cupcakes 7y
Lizpixie @SoniaC Thankyou!❤️❤️ @TrishB I certainly did!🎉🎁🎉 @Kalalalatja thankyou🍰🥂🍾 @LeeRHarry Thankyou sweetie! I'm having book money deposited in my account tomorrow, so be prepared for lots more #bookmail pictures!📚📚📚 @ValerieAndBooks Thank you so much, I'm trying to put back in what this community has given me. Respect, acceptance, love & understanding. 😘🎉❤️🎂 7y
Lizpixie Every single one of you deserves more than just my praise. You have all given me hope for the future. Please feel free to enter my #LetThemEatCake17 giveaway, I would love to be able to give every one of you a gift. 🎁🎂❤️🎂🎁🎂❤️🎂 7y
julesG Happy Birthday! 7y
Suet624 You're so cute. Happy birthday!!!🎈🎁🎂 7y
72 likes34 comments
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LitMail
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It's already the 21st in Australia!! Happy birthday to our lovely #LitMail member, @Lizpixie ! Wishing you a very happy and relaxing birthday!! 💜🎂

Lizpixie Thank you @LitMail @Robothugs That cake is awesome! At my age I'd be happy with a donut with a candle stuck in.🍩❤️❤️❤️❤️ 7y
Lizpixie And let me say, the choice of book is totally appropriate!🤘 7y
Robothugs I thought you would like both the cake and book! 😏 A donut with a candle in it is just as good! @Lizpixie 7y
Graciouswarriorprincess Happy birthday, @Lizpixie ! (edited) 7y
13 likes4 comments
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LauraJ
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Hour 2 of #readathon. My stupid laptop has been in update mode since 5 am. It's still dark here in LA. Is it too early for birthday cake?

Reviewsbylola It is NEVER to early for cake. 🍰🍰 8y
I-read-and-eat What an amazing cake! Cake makes the best breakfast. 😀 8y
See All 9 Comments
CherylDeFranceschi Happy Birthday! Breakfast cake is mandatory! 8y
Eyelit What @Reviewsbylola said!! Happy birthday 🎂🎈🎉 8y
Dragon Yay cake 🎂 yay birthday 🎉 8y
LauraBeth Happy Birthday! What an awesome cake 😀🎉🍰🎂 8y
Riveted_Reader_Melissa Happy Birthday! Awesome cake!! 8y
34 likes9 comments
review
Clevercactus
Mehso-so

The plot in a nutshell, is a review of the year in the life on the birthday of a nameless art teacher who dwells on her messed up relationships with her parents and with men. For seven years she tells you how nothing really changes except the names and faces of her lovers. Her career is always in a fine state but her personal life is chronically a disaster. There are humorous moments that made me smile but not laugh out loud. It's also dated.

review
Clevercactus
Mehso-so

The plot in a nutshell, is a review of the year in the life on the birthday of a nameless art teacher who dwells on her messed up relationships with her parents and with men. For seven years she tells you how nothing really changes except the names and faces of her lovers. Her career is always in a fine state but her personal life is chronically a disaster. There are humorous moments that made me smile but not laugh out loud. It's also dated.

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Clevercactus
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His kisses kind of felt like getting a sponge bath after gum surgery.

JoeStalksBeck 😂😂 8y
8 likes1 comment
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Clevercactus
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After dinner I talked everyone into going to see a male strip show because we'd never seen one and it was the only newspaper listing that looked remotely festive, the other choice being a reunion concert of the Original Monkees. I was secretly hoping that maybe male strippers would be surprisingly more erotic than long-haired, middle-aged men singing "Pleasant Valley Sunday."