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Sissy
Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story | Jacob Tobia
43 posts | 31 read | 50 to read
A heart-wrenching, eye-opening, and giggle-inducing memoir about what it's like to grow up not sure if you're (a) a boy, (b) a girl, (c) something in between, or (d) all of the above. "When the political reality facing this country seems dark, we need shinier, sparklier thinkers in the public eye. With a signature style matched only by their wit, Jacob fits that bill perfectly." --Alan Cumming From the moment a doctor in Raleigh, North Carolina, put "male" on Jacob Tobia's birth certificate, everything went wrong. Alongside "male" came many other, far less neutral words: words that carried expectations about who Jacob was and who Jacob should be, words like "masculine" and "aggressive" and "cargo shorts" and "SPORTS!" Naturally sensitive, playful, creative, and glitter-obsessed, as a child Jacob was given the label "sissy." In the two decades that followed, "sissy" joined forces with "gay," "trans," "nonbinary," and "too-queer-to-function" to become a source of pride and, today, a rallying cry for a much-needed gender revolution. Through revisiting their childhood and calling out the stereotypes that each of us have faced, Jacob invites us to rethink what we know about gender and offers a bold blueprint for a healed world--one free from gender-based trauma and bursting with trans-inclusive feminism. From Jacob's Methodist childhood and the hallowed halls of Duke University to the portrait-laden parlors of the White House, Sissy takes you on a gender odyssey you won't soon forget. Writing with the fierce honesty, wildly irreverent humor, and wrenching vulnerability that have made them a media sensation, Jacob shatters the long-held notion that people are easily sortable into "men" and "women." Sissy guarantees that you'll never think about gender--both other people's people's and your own--the same way again.
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xicanti
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1. I made a French cuff! (Two of them, actually. There‘s another one on the end of the other sleeve.)

2. This book spoke to my soul. I‘m so glad I finally read it. #audiosewing #gaymay

TheBookHippie Wow!!!!!! It‘s gorgeous! 11mo
xicanti @TheBookHippie thank you! 11mo
kspenmoll So beautiful! 11mo
xicanti @kspenmoll thanks! 11mo
32 likes4 comments
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xicanti
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Yesterday I made a dog crown. My mum is heavily invested in the coronation and wants Casey to look his best for her party. We‘ll see how long the crown actually stays on his head.

I listened to a good chunk of the tagged memoir while I worked, and it‘s got me nodding a LOT. Not at everything (one big example: Tobia is part of the younger generation that‘s out to reclaim “faggot,” which is my HELL NO word), but at a fair bit. #gaymay #audiosewing

dabbe Lovely crown! 💙👑💚 11mo
xicanti @dabbe I‘ll try very, very hard to get a picture of Casey wearing it! 11mo
38 likes2 comments
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ncsufoxes
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Pickpick

I listed to this one on audio. Tobia highlights what it was like growing up in NC (Raleigh area, which I went to college & lived in the area for several years). Tobia came out as a teen and then when he went to college (at Duke) he realized he was a gender nonconformity non-binary person. He discusses issues like tokenism, power structures (ie universities like Duke) which hold up systems that make it difficult for individuals like them as well as

ncsufoxes to make it through all the obstacles that can be in place. They also brought up the struggles they faced with their parents in understanding their identity. They discussed writing this book to help others share their stories since non-binary, trans, & nonconformity stories are not widely shared. It is important to hear others stories‘ as they write their truths. #bookspin book, #nomfiction2023 prompt: True Colors 12mo
TheAromaofBooks Great progress! 12mo
Riveted_Reader_Melissa Sounds great! Stacked!!! And great pick for the prompt too. 12mo
21 likes2 stack adds3 comments
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Kenyazero
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Every week, I highlight #LGBTQAuthors as part of #TheRainbowShelf 🏳️‍🌈 LGBT rights activist Jacob Tobia is a person of many talents. They are a producer, TV host, and actor, and published their memoir in 2019. They have earned multiple awards and honors, including the Campus Pride National Voice and Action Award, and being a Point Foundation Scholar. #LGBTQVoices #QueerAuthors #QueerBooks #LGBTQ #OwnVoices

Peddler410 I‘m reading this for a book study with a colleague— we‘re both middle school librarians. My daughter was excited when I mentioned Jacob voices Double Trouble on She-RA and the Princesses of Power. That animated show on Nexflix scores high on my daughter‘s list for LGBTQIA+ representation. (edited) 3y
Kenyazero @Peddler410 that's such a fun connection to make! I haven't seen the show yet (it's on my list). 3y
13 likes2 comments
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candority
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Panpan

A big thank you to the lovely @DinoMom who sent me this book for the #Bestof2020Swap. Unfortunately, I didn‘t like it.

As respectfully as possible, I am rating this memoir 2 ⭐️. I think Jacob Tobia‘s story is an important one, but unfortunately, they just came across as too self-absorbed and braggy. I really wish they had addressed their own privileges (i.e. their race and class privilege) and accepted responsibility for some of their failures⬇️

candority I wrote a much longer review on Goodreads, if you want to check it out: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3854442679 3y
TiminCalifornia Great review. Think I‘ll pass on this one. 3y
candority @TiminCalifornia Thanks, Tim. That‘s probably for the best. 3y
DinoMom It was on my TBR as well as on yours. I think it is now pushed to the bottom...lol 3y
candority @DinoMom Good plan! Hopefully you enjoy it more than I did if you do eventually read it. 3y
80 likes5 comments
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rjsthumbelina
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Okay #lmpbc #groupv #memoirs! These are my choices - I love being able to do these and pull from my #ownedTBR. (I may have a problem.lol) @ImperfectCJ @Roary47 @Bookwormjillk

Bookwormjillk They all look good! 3y
ImperfectCJ Most of these are totally new to me, and I haven't read any of them. They all look interesting. I'm game for any of them. :-) 3y
Roary47 Any of them would be good for me too. 😊 3y
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rjsthumbelina Between Sissy, Memorial Drive, and The Honey Bus, which one would you all be most interested in? @Bookwormjillk @ImperfectCJ @Roary47 3y
Bookwormjillk Those all sound really good. If I had to choose I guess it would be The Honey Bus but really I want to read all of them now! 3y
ImperfectCJ My interest order with those three would probably be Memorial Drive first, then The Honey Bus, then Sissy. Although those first two are almost a tie for first place. 3y
Roary47 I would say Honey Bus or Memorial Drive. 3y
16 likes7 comments
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candority
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Thank you so much @DinoMom ! Everything you sent me for the #Bestof2020Swap is fantastic 😍 I can‘t wait to dig into all the treats, especially the tea, the Matcha Buddha (he made it in one piece!) and the fudge! Rudolph has seen better days, but will still be delicious! 😋 The Red Market sounds like something I‘ll really enjoy and Sissy has been on my radar for a while! 📚 I also love the crystals - they‘ll find a home on my bookshelves! ⬇️

candority The mask bookmark also has me cracking up! I love it 😂 Also, thanks for sharing information about Snap Burlesque. It sounds great! Thank you again! #Bestof2020 3y
BookNAround That mask bookmark is hilarious! 3y
DinoMom Glad you liked it. The mask bookmark is my favourite. I bought one for myself as well. Happy new year and happy reading! 3y
candority @BookNAround Right? So good! 😷💃🏻 3y
74 likes4 comments
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ChaoticMissAdventures
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Pickpick

Very quotable, good for anyone trying to understand gender.
Jacob Tobia is a bit bratty and I spent a lot of time wondering what they would think if some of the passages in 10 or so years (wow do I sound old).

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ChaoticMissAdventures
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Fight for it.

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ChaoticMissAdventures
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Jacob's observation here about work place “professionalism“ is spot on. Something I wish we would talk about more and move to correct.

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ChaoticMissAdventures
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This had me chuckling. Picturing the refined looks coming out of these stores ☠

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rjsthumbelina
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Some choices for #nonfictionNovember that came in the mail today! Very excited for both 😊

FelinesAndFelonies It Didn't Start with You was a fantastic book! 3y
28 likes1 comment
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Shay
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Pickpick

Sissy is Tobia's memoir about growing up in North Carolina, and their years coming into their gender identity and expression as a scholarship student at Duke University. Tobia has a loud love-me-or-leave-me style that you will either jive with, or not; their tone is a whiplash combination of earnestness and irreverence, dropping insights about toxic masculinity in the same breath as a dick joke.
Full review: https://wp.me/p2P6GA-5gh

LiteraryinLawrence I liked this one a lot even though I didn't know a lot about them going into it. I would read more of their writing for sure. 4y
6 likes1 stack add1 comment
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Chrissyreadit
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I recommend the tagged book- I‘m halfway through it on audio and I highly recommend George by Alex Gino. #integrateyourshelf

runswithscissors007 I learned a lot reading this. Will definitely look up your other recommendation! 💚 4y
JackOBotts I enjoyed Sissy, as well. They have a strong, unique voice. If memory serves, their memoir may have been optioned for TV, but I can‘t be positive...🤦🏻‍♀️ 4y
Megabooks I loved this book too! @JackOBotts it has! 4y
61 likes2 stack adds3 comments
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bio_chem06
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1. My porch, all summer long 2. Quesadilla 3. Just Mercy 4. 2 too many 🤣🤣 Burt & Lenore #friyayintro

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bio_chem06
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Getting my pride on.... 🌈🌈🌈 #pridemonth

12 likes1 stack add
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carys14
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Mehso-so

Memoirs are hit and miss for me, as fiction is my main love. While I see the importance of this book, I am likely not in the target audience, with the disconnect being more due to the age gap than the gender gap. With that being said, I can say that I came away knowledgeable about gender fluidity and the challenges they face in a predominantly binary world.

Book 41/100

#yarnandbooks

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Soubhiville
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I wound up with a surprise day off today, so I guess it‘s fall cleaning day. #AudioCleaning

It doesn‘t feel like fall here yet- 82 F when I walked the dog at 8:30, looks like highs will still be in the mid to high 90‘s all week. I‘ll just pretend it‘s crisp out, since it‘s October. Lol. (Not that I mind, I enjoy the heat.)

MicheleinPhilly We just have to get through tomorrow and then it will finally feel like Fall! I can‘t wait! 4y
58 likes1 comment
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Soubhiville
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#7days7covers #covercrush Day 3

Posting covers I love for 7 days, no explanation needed. Tagging someone new to play each day.

@Julsmarshall would you like to play?

Julsmarshall Ooh yes, so fun! but I‘m out town for the next few days. I‘ll do my best 😄 Thanks for the tag, @Soubhiville ! 5y
59 likes1 stack add1 comment
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Sue
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My library got these in for me. I‘m very excited to read them, and happy that other readers in the region will be able to read them too!

#librarylove

Megabooks Sissy is so good! 5y
69 likes1 comment
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Megabooks
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Love Jacob. Love this book. #transrights #transequality 💪🏻💙💕

KatieDid927 I received an ARC, I need to get to it soon. 5y
Megabooks @KatieDid927 it‘s the best memoir by someone under 30 that I‘ve read this decade, easily! His writing has a maturity beyond 27 years, but he doesn‘t lose what makes being young and queer unique with his generation. 5y
68 likes1 stack add2 comments
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alekreads
Pickpick

Away from the internet, I don't talk much about my own gender - except for my partner, I don't think many people in my family know that I prefer neutral pronouns. But Jacob's story makes me feel less alone in the world. And the letters that they wrote to their parents at the end of the book had me CRYING.

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alekreads
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I'm about halfway through this book currently, and as someone who's gone back and forth with their own gender over the years, I feel really grateful that Jacob Tobia decided to tell their story. It's nice to not feel alone.

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24in48
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Pickpick

WEEKEND ESSENTIALS FOR #24in48: (1) many books from many genres (2) caffeine of choice (3) merchhhhhhhh (4) bookmark options (5) SNACKS. Have you signed up to join us in just over two weeks?! If not, fix that at 24in48.com! 🗣 If you‘ve joined us before, share your tips for readathon success in the comments below or use #24in48!📚
📷: image shows a collection of books, spines up, a mug of coffee, T-shirt, stack of bookmarks, and a pile of snacks)

bridge12 First timer! I‘ve been stuck on a book all summer I‘ve got to read for work so I‘m thinking this‘ll be the perfect excuse to finish it.... as well as others! ❤️ 5y
janeycanuck Audiobooks! For when your butt gets numb or when you have to be a functioning human that gets errands runs and chores finished. 5y
LibrarianRyan @bridge12 Give your self breaks from the book you have to read and be sure to pack in some brain candy even if it is just something quick like a graphic novel. 5y
bridge12 @LibrarianRyan absolutely! I have two holds waiting for exactly this at the library 😉 5y
BookFreakOut I've got Bluetooth speakers and headphones this time to improve my audio listening. My laptop and phone aren't quite loud enough for when I'm multitasking. 5y
76 likes5 comments
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MrT
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Pickpick

More 2019 reading.

As a gay man I thought that I knew and understood about trans/gender non conforming issues. I didn't.

Read this. It's so much more than choosing to be 'a man' or 'a woman', or matching your outside with your inside.

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emtobiasz
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Realized this book is due back at the library tomorrow, nonrenewable as others are waiting for it, and I hadn‘t started it yet 😬 So I read the first couple chapters to make sure it was worth getting back on the holds list for, and it totally is. I just want to keep reading.

Still stamping up a storm! It feels good to be crafting again after a long hiatus. Too many moves made it clear how much crafty crap I was hoarding...

Caterina Oh I saw their interview on The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, makes me really want to read the book! https://youtu.be/qo3rCzl_JB4 5y
Megabooks I had to let it go once, too, but definitely get it back! Very good book. 5y
64 likes1 stack add2 comments
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Megabooks
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Loved this look at a genderqueer young person. They have (has?) done an amazing job of taking #TheBestofBothWorld of having male and female traits. Their earring and brooch collection is amazing!

TBoBW is one of the most iconic TNG episodes in which Picard is turned into a Borg. The whole team on the Enterprise really comes together to get Picard back. I can tell you it was the longest summer cliffhanger for me! No internet! #StarTrekSummerMay

MrT I‘ve got this on order. Should arrive today. 5y
Megabooks @MrT I hope you enjoy it as well. 5y
63 likes2 comments
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Librarian199509
Pickpick

So I liked most of this book. Jacob is a great writer and open and honest about their life up to college graduation. (I'm not sure why the book stops there or why grad school wasn't ever an option but it's their book). The one disappointment I have with it is that for a book about gender nonconforming and gender as a construct it maintains the feminine/masculine binary which just galls me.

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Megabooks
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Pickpick

This is a fantastic book about a #youngandbeautiful genderqueer person. I wanted to learn more about individuals of this orientation. As with any human, each is different, but I feel a special kinship that he went to Duke as well, & I got a lot of the references. #yesterday (12 years before him) when I was there, it was somewhat difficult to come out as gay, much less genderqueer. He helped forge a path for others, & that makes me very happy! 4⭐️

JackOBotts I finished their memoir last month and thought it was honest and funny and important. Also: Happy to find another #Dukie! #classof2004 🙌🏼 5y
Megabooks @JackOBotts They wrote a great memoir for sure! #classof2003! Did we know each other?? 5y
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JackOBotts Lol! I don‘t know! 🤔 It‘s possible?! 🤷🏻‍♀️I was in an a cappella group and lived in Mirecourt. No sorority affiliation; was a cultural anthropology major...any overlaps? Despite being a smallish school, it‘s still “big” enough. My sister and I were there together for a year and only saw each other when we made plans. 5y
Eggs Nice combo! 5y
Megabooks @JackOBotts I was a cultural anthropology minor 👍🏻👍🏻, but I only started taking those classes the last two years. I took a class one summer because my best friend did and got hooked! I can‘t sing at all! 😂😂 I wrote for The Chronicle all four years. I vaguely knew Dan Mallory (one who wrote tagged book), but wasn‘t in his department until he was nearly gone. 🤔 We may have crossed paths. 5y
Megabooks @Eggs Thank you! 😊 5y
Reggie Looks like I‘m not the only one multitasking. Lol nice!! 5y
Megabooks @Reggie Thanks!! 👍🏻 5y
Cinfhen Well played and memoir sounds entertaining and informative 5y
Megabooks @Cinfhen It was both! I definitely recommend it! 5y
RohitSawant Great pick! Stacking! 5y
Megabooks @rohit-sawant I hope you enjoy it! 5y
JackOBotts Dang! Chances are I saw your byline, then, but that may be the extent of it! 😁 LOL. Even so, fun to find another alumna on Litsy! I haven‘t been back to campus in over a decade 🤦🏻‍♀️; with all the new bldgs and renovations, it‘ll probably feel so foreign if/when I do get there! 😩 Woman in the Window is on my TBR...I love Hitchcock‘s Rear Window, so I think that book may be right up my alley. 5y
Megabooks It is fantastic to find you!! I was at Duke Hospital this summer and drove around the campus a bit. (As much as you can drive around Duke!) I mainly go to the off-campus places I like such as The Regulator, The Duck Shop, and I have a new favorite restaurant Arepa! @JackOBotts (edited) 5y
116 likes4 stack adds15 comments
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Megabooks
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I‘m loving this. As a cis-gendered person, I was having trouble understanding people who are non-binary gender. I think, as he wrote in the introduction, his story provides an interesting counterpoint to a binary trans story.

Kinda wishing I had bought a physical copy because it has glitter!!

QueenJen The glitter alone makes it a keeper! 😉🥃 5y
Megabooks @QueenJen Right? 🙌🏻🙌🏻🎉 And I love that despite the fact he is writing about something serious, he also said in the beginning that he was he was going to balance the traumas and the joys he‘s experienced. And he has. I‘m really glad he feels comfortable doing that. And I‘m really glad that he‘s has found joy and safe spaces, even as a child. 5y
QueenJen @Megabooks hmmmm, I might have to move this one up 5y
77 likes6 stack adds3 comments
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SkeletonKey
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Reading Sissy while hanging out at Spring-O-WEEN today.

If you‘re around Richmond, Va, come check it out! Halloween fun in the springtime.

hermyknee I love your art! ❤️ 5y
SkeletonKey @hermyknee - Hey thanks!! 5y
monalyisha What a cool concept! If I lived nearby, I'd totally be there. 5y
See All 9 Comments
Karkar If I lived close I would totally be there! 5y
SkeletonKey @monalyisha @Karkar - Wish you could come! 5y
Karkar @SkeletonKey do you by chance have an Etsy store? 5y
SkeletonKey @Karkar - I do but it‘s closed right now 😫 5y
mreads Your booth looks awesome 😀👍. Wishing you lots of sales 5y
SkeletonKey @mreads - Thanks so much! 5y
51 likes9 comments
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JackOBotts
Pickpick

💜Read this book! 💜 I finished Jacob‘s memoir a few days ago and have been struggling to find the “right” words.

They tell their story without hesitation. Jacob doesn‘t pretend to sugarcoat their experience or who they are; they tell their story, share their experiences with frankness & honesty: the bad, the ugly, the better. And they do so with humor and intellect.

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JackOBotts
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1. Jacob Tobia‘s Sissy
2. To NY on Saturday for a family Easter celebration; “relaxing” at the house on Sunday
3. Yes! Something I‘ve come to appreciate as a grownup
4. Alicia or Ronnie (Veronica) or Frankie
5. 🙌🏼👍🏼🤗
@howjessreads #friyayintro
Happy #Easter and #Passover to those celebrating this weekend!

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Lauren.Archer
Pickpick

Fantastic memoir. Tobia is a brilliant writer along with just being brilliant in general. This memoir takes Jacob through his youth and college years and everything that they faced. Glad I got to read this very important memoir.

CKBrooke Thank you for tagging me! I‘ll have to add this to my TBR 5y
65 likes1 comment
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Lauren.Archer
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Next up!

Jeg Looks interesting. Will be interested to see what you think. 5y
CKBrooke Tag me when you post your review! This does look interesting. 5y
Sharpeipup That cover is so clever! 5y
89 likes3 stack adds3 comments
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SkeletonKey
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Another exciting trip to the fancy library!

#memoir #graphicnovel

JackOBotts Nice library haul! Looking forward to reading your review! 5y
SkeletonKey @JackOBotts - I‘ll try to remember to write them! 5y
44 likes2 comments
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JackOBotts
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Best footnote ever?! #RIPToysRUs

tournevis Fun fact: Toys'R'Us lives on in Canada. 5y
xxjenadanxx Yup, only the ones here in the States went under. 5y
JackOBotts @tournevis say what?! 🤯 So envious! @xxjenadanxx my son visited one near us just once before they closed. 5y
tournevis @JackOBotts Different country, so different company. 5y
xxjenadanxx Yeah we visited ours a bunch before it closed, just for the sake of nostalgia. Luckily my bestie lived in Egypt and the one there is still open so when I visit her I can check it out! 5y
42 likes5 comments
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JackOBotts
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Looking forward to reading Tobia‘s memoir. Their voice is smart, funny, and honest. This is sure to leave a mark.

SkeletonKey I really want to read this one too. 5y
JackOBotts @SkeletonKey I‘m on page 23 and recommend already. They‘re telling their story in their way; they have a great voice, and it comes through. No b.s., no speaking for the community at large. One person sharing their trauma, their growth, their truth. Their personality sparkles. 💜 5y
SkeletonKey Requested it at the library! Can‘t wait. 5y
44 likes2 stack adds3 comments
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SassyPants617
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Next up....

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bookishkai
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Friday waiting for a haircut reading. We were going to go to the supermarket, but got sidetracked by a long lunch, discussions about my disability back pay, and a trip to Costco.

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Owlizabeth
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Can‘t wait to dive into this one! #treatyoshelf #bookmail #queerbooks

KatieDid927 Oooo yay. I have an ARC I haven‘t gotten to yet. 5y
Megabooks I love the glitter on the cover! 5y
55 likes4 stack adds2 comments
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Underatree
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Loving Sissy: A Coming-of-Age Gender Story by Jacob Tobia, great reading/signing with Left Bank Books and MTUG last night!