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Big Friendship
Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close | Aminatou Sow, Ann Friedman
A close friendship is one of the most influential and important relationships a human life can contain. Anyone will tell you that! But for all the rosy sentiments surrounding friendship, most people dont talk much about what it really takes to stay close for the long haul. Now two friends, Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, tell the story of their equally messy and life-affirming Big Friendship in this honest and hilarious book that chronicles their first decade in one anothers lives. As the hosts of the hit podcast Call Your Girlfriend, theyve become known for frank and intimate conversations. In this book, they bring that energy to their own friendshipits joys and its pitfalls. Aminatou and Ann define Big Friendship as a strong, significant bond that transcends life phases, geographical locations, and emotional shifts. And they should know: the two have had moments of charmed bliss and deep frustration, of profound connection and gut-wrenching alienation. They have weathered life-threatening health scares, getting fired from their dream jobs, and one unfortunate Thanksgiving dinner eaten in a car in a parking lot in Rancho Cucamonga. Through interviews with friends and experts, they have come to understand that their struggles are not unique. And that the most important part of a Big Friendship is making the decision to invest in one another again and again. An inspiring and entertaining testament to the power of societys most underappreciated relationship, Big Friendship will invite you to think about how your own bonds are formed, challenged, and preserved. It is a call to value your friendships in all of their complexity. Actively choose them. And, sometimes, fight for them.
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Andrea313
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Pickpick

More than a little anecdotal but still an affirming read. My own "Big Friendships" (pictured!) have been defining and sustaining in my life, and I guess I picked up this book hoping to find a mirror- and I certainly did. I also appreciated that though this was mainly the story of the two authors, they acknowledged the other friendships in their lives, and the ways in which the primacy of their own relationship ebbs and flows through the years. ❤️

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SkeletonKey
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Current audiobook since my friendships seem to be way more long lasting and intense.

23 likes1 stack add
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Kazzie
Mehso-so

I liked the themes and ideas. And I love the idea of prioritizing your friends - felt like it could have been an essay however

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Dcueto
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@Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks you‘re the sweetest

Karisa 💗! 13mo
Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks 💗😘 I can tell that you are an amazing teacher and that your students love you!! (edited) 13mo
41 likes2 comments
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fredthemoose
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Mehso-so

Meh. This was… fine. Okay enough book, but from the title I was expecting more about keeping friends close generally, and this was 90% about the authors‘ specific friendship. I took a couple of useful tidbits from it (the concept of using “body‘s choice” when deciding what to do on vacation, and the need for rituals in maintaining friendships), but otherwise was more of a personal essay than anything else.

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fredthemoose
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Just started this. Didn‘t know/forgot that the authors host a podcast together that I haven‘t been able to get into. It‘s enjoyable enough but I‘m a little disappointed that the “we” in the title seems to specifically mean the two authors. The vast majority of the book so far is focused on the story of their particular friendship rather than on big friendships more generally.

10 likes1 stack add
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AileenRR
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Pickpick

I don‘t think I‘ll be recommending this one to others, but I really enjoyed listening to the parts about the personal relationship between the authors. Edit: I liked it a lot more after a second listen and would definitely recommend to others.

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cariashley
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Pickpick

Unexpectedly, really enjoyed this audiobook. I‘ve been getting Ann Friedman‘s weekly newsletter for years but wasn‘t quick to pick this one up because it sounded kind of hokey. But it really makes you think and reframe friend relationships in a whole new way, at least for me. That they need just as much care and feeding as romantic and familial relationships seems obvious but just wasn‘t something I‘d thought a lot about. Recommend.

48 likes1 stack add
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cleoh
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April was a good reading month for me! Most of my 5 star reads were new to me, and it‘s hard to choose which one I loved most.

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theshrinkette
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Pickpick

This is one of those books that I picked up for its title, I have no context to the authors or their podcast and other work. In a culture that prioritizes partnerships and romantic love, it was validating to read about this Big Friendship between two people. The vulnerability and honesty was testament to how seriously these women take their relationship. It just made me want to reach out to my Big Friends and give them hugs (lolsob this pandemic).

MicheleinPhilly Oh my gosh - hugs. We see a lot of our friends semi-regularly because we live in the same neighborhood and have dogs. But not being able to hug has been ROUGH. We‘ve lost parents, grandparents, pets, jobs, etc. Standing 6 feet away while making the stupid ❤️ with your fingers just doesn‘t cut it. ☹️ 2y
theshrinkette @MicheleinPhilly So real! And I've been relatively lucky in terms of seeing my family at least on occasion. Ugh just grateful for survival but also TAKE ALL THE HUGS ❤️❤️❤️❤️ 2y
25 likes2 comments
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theshrinkette
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Friendships in my late 20s have been such a pendulum swing, but I've definitely found Shine Theory to be true.

23 likes2 stack adds
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Bookworm-87
Mehso-so

An interesting look at friendship. Did you know the average friendship lasts 7 years?

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Shmemilina
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I‘m DYING at this quote!

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Shmemilina
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Enjoying this treasure, but sheesh is it making me pine for the days of being able to watch trash tv with friends and a bottle of wine (or two...)!

11 likes1 stack add
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TheDaysGoBy
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Mehso-so

Finished this on audio while I was working. Just alright to me. Wasn‘t quite what I was expecting but it was okay

30 likes1 stack add
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Mitch
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Yeah....... something to put in my empty diary! #litsylove

AmyG So much for the lecture I gave myself last night about no more swaps because I have too many books. 😳 2y
Mitch @AmyG today is a new day! 🤣 2y
AmyG Ha. Every day I learn how little self-control I actually have when it comes to books. 🤣 2y
cozypunk @AmyG too true! 2y
TheBookHippie @AmyG BAHAHAHA. 2y
48 likes5 comments
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tholmz
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Mehso-so

I liked some of this a lot, and didn‘t care for the rest! Though the subject matter is very important to me.

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CareBear
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My bestie has joined Litsy! Please welcome @CaraTK ♥️ @LitsyWelcomeWagon and get her started on people to follow!

julesG Welcome @CaraTK ! 2y
hannah-leeloo Thank you for the tag and welcome @CaraTK I hope you have a great time here. Happy reading hun 2y
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DrexEdit Welcome to Litsy @CaraTK ! 😊👋 2y
Sleepswithbooks Welcome to the place of fun 📚💛 2y
Jas16 Welcome @CaraTK 2y
JessClark78 Welcome to Litsy! @CaraTK 🙂📚 2y
Caroline2 Hello 👋 😀 2y
slategreyskies Welcome to Litsy!! :) 2y
Ruthiella Welcome @CaraTK 😀 (edited) 2y
Deblovestoread Welcome to Litsy! @CaraTK 2y
TK-421 @CaraTK Welcome to Litsy! 😀 2y
Librarybelle Welcome to Litsy, @CaraTK ! Thanks for the tag, @Birdsong28 ! 2y
LeahBergen Hello, @CaraTK ! 👋🏻 2y
veritysalter Hi @CaraTK welcome to Litsy 👋🏻 2y
Eggs Welcome to Litsy @CaraTK 🥳🌷🥳 2y
Eggs Thank you 🙏🏻 @Birdsong28 2y
ozma.of.oz Welcome @CaraTK ! And thanks @Birdsong28 ! 🎉📚🎉 2y
CarolynM Welcome to Litsy @CaraTK 🌼 2y
CaraTK @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks thank you!! Following. I just started China Rich Girlfriend (it‘s the way my library holds panned out) and on audiobook Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor. These days I always have a fantasy book in the mix! 2y
FashionableObserver Welcome-welcome!!! 🤓 2y
maich Welcome @CaraTK 💕 Thanks for tagging me @Birdsong28 😘 2y
Libby1 Hi, @CaraTK . Thanks again for the tag, lovely @Birdsong28 💜 2y
CaraTK Hi @FashionableObserver @maich @Libby1 ! @Birdsong28 what a great community of readers ❤️ 2y
59 likes25 comments
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Chelseabillups30

The choices that each of us makes everyday about who we include in our lives end up shaping the larger world we live in.

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Chelseabillups30

It‘s only through deciding to stretch that we become stronger and grow. There is really no way around that. When we have stretched ourselves, it‘s not always fun in real time. But when we look back, we can see that it was our challenges, not our comforts, that have made us stronger, wiser, and more resilient.

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Chelseabillups30
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That awesome moment when you‘re still trying to come back from over a month of not reading anything and you hit a major Bookly achievement!!

Wasn‘t expecting that, but I‘ll take it!

Ruthiella Yahoo! 😀 2y
Gaylagal2 Well done!🌟 Good for you 🤙 2y
40 likes2 comments
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BayouGirl85
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Mehso-so

It was lovely to hear how these two woman navigated their friendship over the span of a decade and the nuggets of wisdom they took from their experiences.

September Book 16/20 #LitsyLove

Lollymya We may need to write a book!!! Lol 2y
BayouGirl85 @Lollymya Maybe 🤔 2y
21 likes2 comments
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Chelsea.Poole
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Pickpick

I love that there's a book to explore the idea that friendships deserve attention, care, & work just like other relationships in life. Often, the focus seems to be on couple's therapy and working on familial relationships. This is authored by 2 years-long friends who have weathered ups and downs, host a podcast, and have even done therapy together to overcome issues. It's inspiring, but I don't find their model of friendship to be equal to mine.⬇️

Chelsea.Poole Sure friends grow apart and back together, but for my life, I can't call out my friends constantly and examine issues of feeling slighted. I have a group of friends and we have been together for 15+ years. It's an important part of my life, and I feel that we manage ourselves well. I wouldn't say there's only one way to "do" friendship, as it seems the authors are saying here. But a big "yes" to the idea that friendship is a vital part of life. 2y
78 likes2 stack adds1 comment
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CareBear
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I love their podcast and am super excited to start this! Reading it together with one of my own big friends ♥️

47 likes2 stack adds
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8little_paws
Mehso-so

Meh. Not a *bad* book per se but there's really not much here. I wouldn't exactly recommend it but i don't feel like reading it was a waste of time necessarily. Some of the chapters were decent, like the one on race, i wish they had talked more about how they overcame their struggles as friends. I'm not totally convinced they're actually all that good of friends any more tbh even though this book was supposed to convince me of that.

Megabooks Interesting. Seems like I didn‘t miss much in the second half. 2y
8little_paws @Megabooks the second half was better, but apparently they attended therapy together to improve their friendship but it's barely discussed. I wish there had been more nonfiction here less memoir. More analysis on friendship. What was there was interesting! 2y
35 likes1 stack add2 comments
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Mitch
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Trying hard to concentrate whilst Bunky suns his armpits! Just a usual day for us! #readybuddy

LiteraryinLawrence Wow, this is SO cute! 2y
Lcsmcat 😻 2y
britt_brooke Love this photo! 2y
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CBee Oh, I love Bunky ❤️😍😂 2y
LeahBergen 😆😆 2y
ju.ca.no Oh god what a cutie😍 2y
Mitch @CBee he appreciates your love! 🤣🤣 2y
Mitch @ju.ca.no He‘s equal parts adorable and crazy! 2y
Jas16 I LOVE this photo! 2y
8little_paws super cute!
2y
QuietlyLaura Bunky is living his best life! 😻😂 2y
ju.ca.no @Mitch aren‘t all cats😂😂😍 2y
AlaMich I love me some Bunky pictures! 😻 2y
Mitch @QuietlyLaura oh yeah! 2y
Mitch @AlaMich He loves his Litsy mates 😂 2y
wanderinglynn Aw ❤️ Bunky! 2y
104 likes16 comments
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Mitch
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Before the world went crazy I had a weekly date with a good friend who lives a few houses down from us. We‘d go for the longest, slowest walks - catching up on life, worries, joys and everything in between. I‘ve settled in to read this today - but 2 chapters in I paused - messages my friend and for the rest of the afternoon were off for a walk. I‘m fee very grateful xx

ephemeralwaltz Aww I love their podcast. How is the book? 2y
Mitch @ephemeralwaltz just a few chapters in - it‘s good, but at the moment it feels very specific to their story and not so much using that to launch into the universal .... but I‘m only a few chapters in 2y
Mitch @ephemeralwaltz it‘s definitely written in their voice ! I can hear them as I read! 2y
ephemeralwaltz @Mitch haha that's funny! 2y
87 likes1 stack add4 comments
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Well-ReadNeck
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Pickpick

I enjoyed this sweet memoir about two friends and how they maintain their lasting relationship. This sometimes veers into sounding like a self help or how to book, but doesn‘t really work that way. But as a light memoir it worked for me.

82 likes5 stack adds
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Megabooks
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Bailedbailed

Ugh. I made it halfway.

MAYBE someone in their 20s could benefit from some of their friendship tips, but having friendships survive & break from the things they talk about & more, I just don‘t need to read what I already know. (Really, everything I read I had intuited after a number of 10+ & 20+ year friendships. I think this book would seem downright obvious to anyone over 35.)

If you want to read more FOR FREE, go to www.shinetheory.com

Cinfhen You gave it a try😊 2y
Megabooks @Cinfhen now I just need to finish Home Before Dark for a double bingo! 2y
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Cinfhen Ohhhhh 🧡you got this!!! I think you might finish the whole board 🙌🏻❣️ 2y
Megabooks @Cinfhen that‘s the goal! 2y
8little_paws aww man. I got this book but haven't started it yet. And I was so excited! I'm hoping I enjoy it anyways. 2y
Megabooks @8little_paws maybe you will!! I love that people have different reactions to the same book! 2y
8little_paws @megabooks I could use a book about friendship--many (not all!) of my friendships have faltered since I had my son. Most of my friends don't have kids, and they never, ever ask me about him which hurts. I understand they aren't kid people, but he is an enormous part of my life.
2y
Megabooks @8little_paws I am so sorry! I have been on the other side of that. Most places I‘ve lived, I‘ve only had 1 or 2 friends WITHOUT kids. Right now I have 1. It‘s really hard to bridge the divide in either direction, especially in the first year of motherhood. I am so sorry your friends aren‘t trying. Over the years, the most common thing I do with my kid-having friends is lunch. But I‘ve done everything from shopping at Target to just hanging out ⬇️ 2y
Megabooks @8little_paws while my other friends‘ kids play. In every stage I‘ve lost & gained friends. As you go out and do things with your son, you‘ll meet other mothers. As your son can be more independent, friends may be more interested in coming over. (Tbh, young babies aren‘t as fun to non-moms.) If you can get an hour or two of childcare try to reach out to someone. Sometimes non-moms are tone deaf to how all encompassing motherhood is & don‘t know it 2y
8little_paws @megabooks where I live, no one is meeting up anyways bc of COVID, and a bunch of my friendships are already long distance types. If we could meet up I wouldn't even bring him! I love him but relaxing, he is not! I don't particularly even want to discuss him in length with my friends--some have just not even asked about him once in the seven months other than immediately after I had him. Just a “How's Emmett?“ would be nice! 2y
8little_paws All that to say I totally get it that hanging out with a baby in tow is something a lot of people don't want to do, myself included--it would just mean a lot to be asked about him ,even if all I say is a short, canned reply and we move on to other non-parenting talk. As he is understandably a big part of my life and the silence around it can be awkward. 2y
Megabooks @8little_paws ooo yeah, that is awkward that they aren‘t even asking! 😬😬😬 I‘m sorry! It‘s so hard to be the first to have kids. My friend AL started at 26 and everyone else started in their 30s, but I think it helped her to reach out to new mom friends she met other ways. But this wasn‘t during a pandemic!! I‘m not hanging out in person with anyone now either, which is I‘m sure even more isolating as a new mom. Ugh! 2y
Megabooks @8little_paws well, idk your friends, but maybe be honest? Assure them that you don‘t want your friendship to totally change but that you want to include this new wonderful part of your life in what you catch up on. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ This Book may give you ideas in that it talks about getting through life transitions. Good luck!! 💙 2y
8little_paws @Megabooks oh that's good to know about this book! Maybe I'll start it next since i finished the outstanding The Knockout Queen 2y
76 likes15 comments
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Megabooks
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Wow! They are so annoying and self-righteous and self-centered. I really don‘t know if I can keep reading. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I don‘t particularly like their snobbish “insights” into how the way they did their friendship is the “right way”.

Hooked_on_books Oh dear, that sounds dreadful 😱 2y
Megabooks @Hooked_on_books I think women in their 20s may enjoy it, but I don‘t need to read about stretching your friendships to include chronic illness. I‘ve lost 20 year friendships over it. I‘ve had old friends come out of the woodwork to help. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess I have one person that meets their definition of “big friendship” but..idk, I‘m not really gaining anything I haven‘t already lived. I‘d imagine the older you are, the less relevant this book is. 2y
Emilymdxn Oh my 😨 doesn‘t sound like a fun read. I can‘t imagine someone telling me how to do a friendship from the position of expertise of them having the best friendship ever 2y
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Avanders Oooh very interesting... 2y
LindseyJo I just started this book, let's see how it turns out. 2y
Megabooks @Avanders 🤔🤔🤔 2y
Megabooks @LindseyJo I always want people to like a book, even if I don‘t, so good luck! 2y
Avanders Lol yes. I got this for BOTM and... will still give it a shot, but how unfortunate that someone(s) wrote a book about friendship and somehow believes that there‘s only 1 way to do it right. At my age, too (early 40s), I suspect I will find that I‘ve learned a lot of lessons that they may be trying to school me on 😜 2y
87 likes1 stack add8 comments
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BayouGirl85
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Super excited about my BOTM pick. #litsylove

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Copwithabook
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This box is going to be exciting!