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How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You
How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You | The Oatmeal, Matthew Inman
63 posts | 52 read | 29 to read
Jesus Rollerblading Christ--another helping of TheOatmeal! Mrow, MOAR kitty comics. Mr. Oats delivers a sidesplitting serving of cat comics in his new book, How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You.If your cat is kneading you, that's not a sign of affection. Your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weakness. If your cat brings you a dead animal, this isn't a gift. It's a warning. How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is a hilarious, brilliant offering of cat comics, facts, and instructional guides from the creative wonderland at TheOatmeal.com.How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You presents fan favorites, such as "Cat vs. Internet," "How to Pet a Kitty," and "The Bobcats," plus 17 brand-new, never-before-seen cat jokes. This Oatmeal collection is a must-have from Mr. Oats! A pullout poster is included at the back of the book.
Amazon Indiebound Barnes and Noble WorldCat Goodreads LibraryThing
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laurenslibrary
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Pickpick

These comics are super cute and funny. I really enjoyed them even though I already know my cats are plotting to kill me. 😸

Crazeedi Hilarious!😾😸 2mo
veritysalter They all are!!! If they didn‘t sleep so much, they‘d take over the world. 2mo
78 likes2 stack adds2 comments
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laurenslibrary
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A bit of a late start to #24B4Monday for me, but kicking it off with this fun, little read! 😼

sudi That cup is too cute 😻 2mo
TheLibrarian Love the mug! And I always assume my cat is plotting to kill me 😂 2mo
Wife What do they mean by “if”?😼 2mo
70 likes3 comments
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laurenslibrary
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Today's library haul! I'm not usually a good cook/baker, but the #wintergames inspired me to find and try some holiday recipes! 🥧⛄
Also picked up some graphic novels and shorter reads for #24B4Monday this weekend. 📚

FantasyChick Great stack! I always do a ton of baking over the holidays. Can't wait to see what you decide to try 😊 2mo
Clwojick Awesome! Good luck with your baking! 2mo
74 likes2 comments
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JacintaMCarter
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Mehso-so

#2019Book74
This was a pretty fun graphic novel, but some of the jokes went on just a little too long.

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jb72
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#August #WrapUp
August came in at 14 books read:
Children‘s: 8
Nonfiction: 5
I made progress on my Dr. Seuss challenge. The funniest book was How to Tell If Your Cat Is Trying To Kill You! The worst book was Mostly Dead Things. Gulp was an interesting read, but it‘s not for the squeamish.
#summersendreadathon came in with a total of eight (which I forgot to post on Friday).

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JulietReads
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The jokes were kinda corny and weird.

48 likes1 stack add
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jb72
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Pickpick

#Readathon #24b4monday
My time is not great a lingering headache stunted my reading yesterday. I‘m hoping today will be a much better reading day. My goal is to finish Hex and a Gaiman book I‘m working on too. Tagged book was funny! 😹😼 Cats are so much fun!

Andrew65 Here‘s hoping you have a better day today. 5mo
Eggbeater 😂This title. I love The Oatmeal stuff. 5mo
28 likes2 comments
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jb72
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#100books #cats #goodreads
I reached my GR goal of 100 books today with the tagged book! 🎉🎈😼

Clwojick This one made me laugh. 🙌🏻 5mo
jb72 @Clwojick Me too! I liked the book. 5mo
samantha.mlis I always see it but never read it and the title cracks me up each time 5mo
30 likes3 comments
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Chrissyreadit
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Pickpick

This book had me laugh out loud almost continuously. Laughter, books and gardens really are the best medicine for stress.

erzascarletbookgasm Fun title! 5mo
Chrissyreadit @Cinfhen @4thhouseontheleft @BarbaraTheBibliophage this book counts for summer #booked2019 comic!!! Woohoo! 5mo
4thhouseontheleft 😂😂 5mo
105 likes4 stack adds3 comments
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Coen_Duda
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Pickpick

I LOVED this book!!! It‘s a hilariously funny quick graphic novel, but a little inappropriate for younger readers.

Cfischbuch Looks and sounds hilarious. I love that you included your cat in the photo and he‘s like “meh”. 7mo
Gatlin_Da_Shrimp I think you should keep that book away from your car just in case he/she can read 7mo
Gatlin_Da_Shrimp Cat* I meant cat not car 7mo
MrsBabki Love this! Awesome photo! 7mo
MxrleyMxe Big oof 4mo
11 likes2 stack adds5 comments
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booklover3258
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Pickpick

This book is hilarious. A must read for any cat lover!

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MrBook
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😱🙈😸 #Coale‘s probably got some identifiers in that book. #LitsyHumor

MommyOfTwo 😻🙀😹 9mo
RadicalReader 😂😂😂😂 @MrBook you never disappoint 9mo
See All 13 Comments
squirrelbrain 🤣🤣🤣 9mo
Demibom Beware the white cat (edited) 9mo
InBooksILive The look the cat has is priceless!! Lmao I LOVE this picture! 🤣🤣 9mo
SW-T Loved that book. 😹😹😹 9mo
Purrfectpages 😆 9mo
TheReadingMermaid HA!!!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 9mo
lorannen Pulled right from the pages, Exhibit A! (edited) 9mo
MaleficentBookDragon 😹😹😹 9mo
CoverToCoverGirl I need that book as I have 3 kitties and now I‘m kinda worried that the could be some kinda conspiracy going on! 😂🤓 9mo
JulietReads Don't give that cat any ideas...lol 5mo
120 likes13 comments
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OrtizReads1
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Happy Valentines Day Everyone! ❤️ #catsoflitsy #valentinescatsoflitsy

CoffeeNBooks Gorgeous cats! Welcome to Litsy! 📚 11mo
OrtizReads1 @CoffeeNBooks Thank you!!! I love it already!! 📚📖 11mo
TheLibrarian Welcome to Litsy and what beautiful kitties you have!! 11mo
See All 11 Comments
OrtizReads1 @TheLibrarian Thank you! Your cat is very cute also!! 11mo
Mynameisacolour Welcome to Litsy! That's a stunning pair of kittens! Are they Bengals? 11mo
OrtizReads1 @Mynameisacolour They sure are bengals! They are sisters a year apart the older one in front is Tiger Lily she‘s 3 and the younger one is Tinker Bell she‘s 2 and was the runt of her litter so she has stayed pretty tiny, which works for her name! Thank you for the welcome! 11mo
BookwormAHN Cute kitties, welcome to Litsy 😺 11mo
Smrloomis Wow, these cats are gorgeous! 😁 11mo
SW-T Cute cats 😸 11mo
Dragon 😻 11mo
DebinHawaii Gorgeous kitties! 🐱❤️🐱❤️ 11mo
75 likes11 comments
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StephanieGeiser
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Pickpick

Spent this morning reading one of the books I got for Christmas in bed.

This book had my laughing out loud and is a great read for any cat owner. (It was also a good boost after finishing Lily and the Octopus last night.)

Wife @Kelican17 Sounds like a book that you may need 😼 13mo
rather_be_reading 😂😂 13mo
38 likes3 comments
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MaleficentBookDragon
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Hmmmm

UwannaPublishme Awwwww 😻❤️ 1y
julesG Should you be worrying that s/he's cuddling a knife? 1y
jbhops @julesG 😂 1y
See All 6 Comments
tournevis @julesG snort snort snort snort 1y
CoffeeCatsBooks Better not be late with dinner! 1y
ravenlee “Declaw me, will you? Muahahahaha!” 1y
92 likes6 comments
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lesliemarie
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Yup!

67 likes2 comments
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dgingo
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From The Oatmeal on Instagram. ☺️

What are you reading tonight? 📖

dgingo @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks 👍🏼 How is it so far? 1y
Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks @dgingo it‘s really good!!! I don‘t want to stop reading to read my book for book club!! 🤣 1y
See All 10 Comments
dgingo @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks Well that doesn‘t sound like a bad thing to me! What is the book club pick? 1y
Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks @dgingo Circling the Sun for #BotmBuddyRead 📚💛 1y
dgingo 👍🏼 Enjoy it! Happy Sunday, @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks ! 1y
trioxin_sematary This is me 😂 1y
dgingo @trioxin_sematary @Alwaysbeenaloverofbooks I think this is a prerequisite to becoming a Litten! 😉 1y
18 likes10 comments
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julesG
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You know your cat loves you when he hogs your blanket after you just got up to open the windows and make a cup of tea. And he's left me presents everywhere I like to sit and read. The keychain owl and the knotted scarf were on my bed two mornings when I woke up, there are two socks next to my bed, another is in the living room on the sofa. I've found scraps of paper, a feather and other bits and pieces on my bed.

#catsoflitsy

Tanzy13 🐱 1y
Zelma 😂 that is pretty cute. I love the sheer number of presents being left for you. 1y
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julesG @Zelma At least one present per day. It's wonderful to be appreciated so much. 😻 1y
batsy How sweet ❤️🐈 1y
Zelma @julesG at least the presents aren‘t leftovers from hunting. Our cat used to leave critter bits for us, since were such bad hunters. 😬 (edited) 1y
93 likes6 comments
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MaleficentBookDragon
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I‘m a sucker for a #buzzfeed quiz.

Choose Some Desserts And We'll Give You A Hilarious Novel To Read This Summer

https://www.buzzfeed.com/themadhattertwo/choose-some-desserts-and-well-give-you-...

Avanders I got the same book ☺️ 2y
JSW I wouldn‘t call it a novel, but I own it and can guarantee it is hilarious. 😹😹 2y
Clwojick I‘ve read this lol 2y
66 likes3 comments
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julesG
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We're drinking tea. It's sunny but quite cold today.
After a crafty morning, my daughter is now reading the tagged book to me. 😁😁😁

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Purrfectpages
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monkeygirlsmama ♥️😺 2y
60 likes1 comment
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Bl00dyM0i
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Beau and I are taking a break for wine and movies. ✔🙋🐱

mrozzz 😻 Lovely cat! 👋🏻 WELCOME 2y
TricksyTails 😻🖤 Gorgeous kitty!! 2y
Bl00dyM0i Thanks @mrozzz !!! And @TricksyTails ! One of two 🐈 2y
See All 10 Comments
tammysue Beau is gorgeous!! 😻 2y
Bl00dyM0i @whatshesreadingnow thank you 😍 2y
shadowspeak17 😻❤️ 2y
Bl00dyM0i 🤗 2y
Wife Welcome to Litsy!🌹 2y
Clwojick Hey Beau 😻 2y
asiriusreader Welcome to Litsy! 2y
25 likes1 stack add10 comments
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Gina
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I think I figured it out... Mauwahahahahaha

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MarriedtoMrT
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I posted a cute #catsoflitsy picture but I‘ve been seeing some great funny ones on my feed so I couldn‘t resist posting this one as well. Look, Chester lost his arms!

DGRachel 🙀🙀 2y
Tadams4 Too funny! 2y
Tamra 🤣 2y
jbhops That's great! 2y
55 likes4 comments
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MarriedtoMrT
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I‘m always happy to supply cat pictures! I only have about a million on my phone. 😏 Here is my oldest cat baby, Amberley. She requires lots of close snuggles. #catsoflitsy

erinreads Adorable kitty and adorable name! 😻 2y
ghosthost That face! 😻 2y
AmyG What a sweet face. 2y
Eyelit Oh, the cuteness! 2y
jbhops That is the sweetest kitty face! 2y
63 likes5 comments
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tomes4gnomes
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I used to have a cat who would try to sleep on my face. I was never quite sure if he loved me or if he was trying to kill me (or if my face was nothing but a heat source). How do your pets feel about your love of reading? Jealous, indifferent, or do they “help” with your reading in their own special ways?

benchley1 Mine used to chew on them...he's so old now he doesn't do much, but he hates anything that distracts from him 2y
tomes4gnomes @benchley1 Ah yes, I have a few books with the telltale cat chew marks on the edges, courtesy of my friend‘s cat. I love your profile pic, by the way — Dorothy is my soulmate. 2y
benchley1 Haha Dorothy is so sarcastic, I love her. I really think a lot of my personality is due to Golden Girls and Laverne and Shirley being my fave as a kid 2y
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BookNAround The cat doesn‘t care. The dog wants to be on my lap. And the hedgehog hopes I disappear into my book forever and therefore leave him alone. 😂 2y
tomes4gnomes @BookNAround That all sounds about right! 😂 Would love to see a photo of your animal family (including a book for good measure) — I love cats, dogs, and hedgehogs! 2y
jfalkens My cats are lazy so they like sleeping on me or nearby 😸 2y
tomes4gnomes @jfalkens And again it makes me wonder, are we just giant hot water bottles for our cats? I don‘t mind. 2y
jfalkens @tomes4gnomes probably 😹 I don't mind either especially when Pickle crawls under the blanket with me 😻 2y
Purrfectpages Sometimes my cats try to push my iPad out of the way. They are jealous of everything, including each other. 2y
43 likes10 comments
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Mariposa_Bookworm
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He loves looking out the window. I assume he‘s plotting on the birds, but if I‘m late again with breakfast. . .
#ThugKittyLyfe #CatsOfLitsy #OreoLeQuan

Tanzy13 🐱 2y
98 likes1 comment
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Ash.on.the.line
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A book when I want to smile is my sisters book! How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. It‘s hilarious! Also if you see that cup that is my #BookAndTreat because I try and avoid snacks between thanksgiving and Christmas. It‘s a challenge 😂
#survivingDecember #SeasonsReadings2017

CarlyQuinn A coworker just got this and had me read the chapter on how to tell if your cat is gay. I died laughing! Loved it! 2y
RealLifeReading 😂😂 2y
Ash.on.the.line @CarlyQuinn 😂 it‘s so funny! 2y
56 likes2 stack adds3 comments
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Gina
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Awwww, come on. We want the cat in the library!

JulietReads Poor Max. 5mo
Gina @JulietBooks Right! I say we all take a vote... 5mo
10 likes2 comments
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SaunteringVaguelyDownwards
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Hmm...maybe I'm safe?
#nationalcatday

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Purrfectpages
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46 likes2 stack adds
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SquidgetsRoom
Pickpick

This was a quick book to read & very entertaining!

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LauraJ
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If you wake up to find that the foster kitten has arranged all of her toys in a circle, what are the odds that she‘s plotting to kill you?
#Catsoflitsy

ReadingsByTheC 🤤 I'd definitely sleep with one eye open. 2y
RadicalReader @LauraJ cat is expressing her OCD tendencies to have everything organized and in order 2y
Chasing_Pages 😂😂😂 2y
See All 8 Comments
LauraJ @RadicalReader This kitten is four months old. Before this, she would start the roomba and toss her toys in its path. She is either my feline doppelgänger or a serial killer in the making! 2y
AmyG That is so funny. 2y
CoverToCoverGirl Hilarious! 😆 2y
48 likes8 comments
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kelseynicburke
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This would be a great hiding spot if she hadn‘t knocked 5 books off the shelf trying to get there 🤦‍♀️ #ninjacat #catsoflitsy

ju.ca.no haha😂😂 2y
23 likes2 comments
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keithmalek
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CouronneDhiver Silly kitty 2y
16 likes1 comment
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Balibee146
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My littlest cat Toots is giving me the stink eye for reading too much....

Sace That's the cutest stinkeye I've ever seen! 😻 2y
JenP So cute 2y
See All 8 Comments
Puredragonstar What a cute face!!!! 😻😻😻😻 2y
Balibee146 Cheers @RestlessFickleBookSlut @JenP @elkeo @Puredragonstar she's the daughter of my first cat who plopped her into my lap for inspection when she was a few minutes old.... My special wee cuddle buddy :-) 2y
Sace @Balibee146 Awwww! 2y
minkyb Adorable! 2y
Balibee146 @4thhouseontheleft this is #Toots.... Tiny black and white tiger :-) 2y
26 likes8 comments
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keithmalek
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She does this all the time. And it's creepy EVERY time.

LauraBeth 😂😂 2y
Reviewsbylola lol that's creepy af! 2y
Avanders Lol my cat used to do that too! Then I started doing it to my sister. Just as creepy (creepier?) when done by a human.... 😜 2y
31 likes3 comments
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keithmalek
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Pinned down. Nothing good can come from this. #PussyRiot

Sace 😂😂😂😂 2y
Laura317 This is great! 2y
CouronneDhiver 😂 your book choice - brilliant! 2y
37 likes3 comments
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Rachellynnwright
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On #internationalcatday, Viking gets away with anything. 😼
#catsoflitsy

CoverToCoverGirl Cats do rule! ❤️❤️❤️🐾😎 2y
Bookzombie 💕🐱 2y
LauraBrook My Chico does that too!!! 2y
Tanzy13 🐱 2y
CouronneDhiver Ha! That's how Stella wakes me up in the morning 2y
41 likes5 comments
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Avanders
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Kitty Bear has been a bit clingy and jealous since the new bundle (baby) arrived... #catsoflitsy #littenkitten #kittenlitten

Avanders She thanks you 😜 3y
15 likes2 comments
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PenguinInFlight
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This is Oliver, pretty much every night when I get home from work. I can't decide if he's angry I was gone all day or he's plotting to kill me. 😹 #catsoflitsy #littenkitten #kittenlitten #furbaby #gingercat

drokka He looks like my brother did when they'd party. Working as the look-out while others hid the contraband. 3y
PenguinInFlight @drokka Hahahah! 😂😂 I love it. 3y
readinginthedark 😂😂😂 3y
monkeygirlsmama 😂🤣😂 3y
jessie1287 Awww I used to have an orange cat named Oliver! How cute 😻 3y
42 likes5 comments
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Billi
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I'm pretty sure I don't have anything to worry about at the moment as he's beyond spoiled 😂❤ #catsoflitsy #petsoflitsy

rubyslippersreads Adorable! 😻😻😻 3y
DebinHawaii Sweet kitty boy! 🐱❤️ 3y
Simona 😍😍😍 3y
16 likes3 comments
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LauraAndTaraAndBooks
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Unexpected belated birthday present. Tara's current MO is sitting on my lap being adorable at the exact moment I need to get my dinner out the oven.... Not sure if her exact plan is to leave me to starve, or for my dinner to set fire and burn the house down. Either way the end result is the same I guess? 😼😻😹

Bookish.Heart I love that book! Got it for my sister as a birthday present a few years back! 😂 3y
LeahBergen I see a bit of criminal intent in that eye! 😂 3y
CouronneDhiver Our kitties look similar - so cute! 3y
48 likes3 comments
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OrangeMooseReads
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I guess she doesn't like me checking my book lists. #catsoflitsy #bibliokitty #littenkitten

JessClark78 🐱❤️ 3y
39 likes1 comment
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Eyelit
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Sarah Andersen and Matthew Inman never fail to bring a smile (or smirk) to my face. #happyreads #marchintoreading

126 likes4 stack adds
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BookThingo
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In lieu of lunch. #bookanddessert

Chachic Yum! 3y
BookThingo @Chachic It's my comfort dessert. 😅 3y
5 likes2 comments
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downtherabbithole
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It's a little long for a quote lol but this makes me 😂😂😂😂 #riotgrams #favoritequote

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Keyoung
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Playing Exploding Kittens for the first time. It's pretty fun. And much quicker than most of the games we tend to play. (The game is designed/created by the creator of The Oatmeal).

Nonaroo I love that game!! 3y
12 likes1 comment
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Maggie
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😬😬😬

Elephantango Wouldn't it be great if you opened the book and that very picture of your cat was page one? 🐱 3y
Maggie @Elephantango lol. That face she's making IS pretty murder-y. 3y
readinginthedark 😂 That look in her eyes! 3y
See All 8 Comments
JoeStalksBeck The eyes lol 3y
melrailey Yep if looks could kill...😂 3y
mcipher I kind of have to go with ALL cats are trying to kill their owners. There is a whole plan for reminding people, just as soon as they figure out the can opener situation. 😂 3y
Maggie Yes, thank goodness she doesn't have opposable thumbs, or I'd be a goner. 3y
Maggie Actually, #Maya is very sweet, she just has resting bitch face (as do I). 3y
21 likes2 stack adds8 comments
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BookishDevices
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Pickpick

Jules ~ This book is perfect for a good laugh when things aren't going well and you might wonder what your cat is up to.
http://bookishdevices.com/2017/01/04/httiyciptky-oatmeal-and-inman/

7 likes1 stack add